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sometimes
Contributed by
sashie08
on
Tuesday, 1st April 2014 @ 04:41:12 AM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
sometimes
dark, dreaded mist enveloped her
the words of her past restricted
beautiful victim it lures
to her contours vast, addicted
she knew not the meaning
but rather the sense,
the mist grew thicker, creaming
keeping her soul in past tense
as her heart grew heavy
with the potent air she breathed
her mind evolving, fleshly
hatred inward eased
tears turned to whispers,
cries into laughs
broken pasts are crispier
new and sincere paths
and again she breathed
but this time the new air
the pasts grasp ceased
and retreated to its lair
instead of fearing the impact
she faced the cool crisp air of a new start
with her heart intact
and she tore her past apart
signed: sasha platt**
Copyright ©
sashie08
... [
2014-04-01 04:41:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: sometimes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jigget on
Tuesday, 1st April 2014 @ 05:32:59 AM AEST
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a Message)
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right on! i like your stuff already!! i especially liked 'the past's grasp ceased'....
and i adore how your HOPE is AGRESSIVE, tearing apart your past.
thanks for sharing.
-jigget- |
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Re: sometimes
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 1st April 2014 @ 10:26:15 AM AEST
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I see a lot of potential in your writing. I like where this poem was headed, I'm not quite sure it reached the destination point. Keep up the writing, and welcome to YPDC :)
~Scorp |
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Re: sometimes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Wednesday, 2nd April 2014 @ 06:19:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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nice imagery. agree with other commenter. some really cool lines.
think about flow....read the poem aloud several times in the pentameter you wrote in your head. see if it works; if not, look at massaging the words to fit your flow.
Nice job. |
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Re: sometimes
(User Rating: 1 )
by silvereyesinwinter on
Saturday, 5th April 2014 @ 06:43:25 PM AEST
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| What a beautiful poem. I loved it. I sure needed this:) |
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Re: sometimes
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Sunday, 13th April 2014 @ 10:33:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
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delightful, beautifully written, love your ending too,
hugs n' love nessa |
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