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Deep Inside
Contributed by
Jyssvw22
on
Thursday, 17th July 2014 @ 06:17:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
You wont hurt me
My pain is filled
You cant comfort me
My blood has spilled
You dare not approach me
My disease can kill
Try and find me
I won't move
If you promise to stay perfectly still
You dare love me
I will rip out your soul
Grab on to me
I fill your hole
Dig your nails into my body
Not there to console
You in your sorrow
Look to tomorrow
Spinning in disarray
Beyond all control
This bed is tainted
Dreams are forsaken
Your innocence taken
What was the cost?
Our faith is shaken
Days are wasted
What is found without first being lost?
Spend the night with me
I leave you unsatisfied
I leave you petrified
Scared and confused
Get drunk with me
My anger personified
Unruly and undignified
Allow me to disabuse
You of your opinions
You and your pontifications
They serve to purpose
Offer us no clues
Truths based on lies
Laughs at the expense of cries
We play this game of fools
Try and talk to me
In words of wisdom
Connected to me
Love reflected in a prism
Objectify me
What do you envision?
Perfection?
Hardly,
Protection?
Seemingly,
Run with me
Fast feet leave you behind
Hide with me
In the darkness we may find
The terror that awaits
To eyes gone blind
A safe place
Buried deep inside
----
--
Copyright ©
Jyssvw22
... [
2014-07-17 18:17:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Deep Inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Thursday, 17th July 2014 @ 08:07:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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very heartfelt and well written. I enjoyed some turns of phrase here.
Hope things work out.
Invierno |
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Re: Deep Inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by softerware on
Thursday, 17th July 2014 @ 10:55:31 PM AEST
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You have written a see saw riddle of a poem. Approach; go away…talk to me..be silent!
But your resounding invitations to partner in some way belie the desire to be found.
Do you warn us so we won't be disappointed? Or so you won't be? It leaves us wondering.
The style is in conversational bursts of welcome and denial. Odd, and riveting. Your readers yearn to find a doorway you have left ajar so that they may enter and do no harm. You are the puppeteer, and your audience departs entangled in the strings.
softerware
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Re: Deep Inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 18th July 2014 @ 12:43:01 AM AEST
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| This is awesome! It's so well written and the rhymes work perfectly. |
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Re: Deep Inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Friday, 18th July 2014 @ 07:21:29 PM AEST
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beautifully penned, love the twists and turns,
especially the end with coming together,
hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Deep Inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Josieee329 on
Friday, 18th July 2014 @ 11:10:30 PM AEST
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Very well written. Thanks for sharing.
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Re: Deep Inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 9th December 2014 @ 08:53:35 AM AEST
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Great craftsmanship, Sir. I want to dissect it line by line. Powerful opening lines:
You won't hurt me
My pain is filled
You can't comfort me
My blood has spilled...
The whole first stanza is potent in meaning, but those first two lines set the tone in a most defined way. Wow! I can't help but think of the cycle of abuse with this heady poem. Maybe that isn't the right comparison...More of a 'once bitten, twice shy' kinda deal. It's like your words are covered in head-to-toe armour. Deflecting any positive thoughts or feelings directed your way. You will not hurt me, because I will not open myself up to let you in. I know that kind of hurt. That is the stuff that gets "deep inside" and can even make us afraid to try again. You did such an excellent job with this piece.
Of course I am greedy and I love these long poems of yours.
What a treat!!!!
P.s "What is found without first being lost?"
Nothing worth finding. ;)
I bow to your greatness.
~Scorp |
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