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My Mortality
Contributed by
thepoet353897
on
Friday, 27th February 2015 @ 05:26:31 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I am alive but not forever
The demons of destiny follow me
And fate beckons me
And my mortality
I am content but not forever
My mind set of invincibility
Makes my emotions churn
And my mortality
The clouds of death cross my head
And create a thunderstorm of health
And down it takes me
And my mortality...
Copyright ©
thepoet353897
... [
2015-02-27 05:26:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Mortality
(User Rating: 1 )
by xHeathenx on
Saturday, 28th February 2015 @ 03:31:56 AM AEST
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I definitely like the imagery here. Some of the lines, and the wording used to describe said imagery are great. the thunderstorm of health is a bit odd, but in an odd way. Almost like one suddenly recognizing one's health existing, or now knowing how vulnerable it is. That to me, is a cool thought. :)
I don't quite think I get it. See, I get the first stanza, and the second one, goes with the opposite of what I would expect/think. I would think(at least this is what happens for me), one feeling invincible, would allow them to trump their negative emotions, as a positive, but putting their self or life in harm's way and take risks(I say I think because that's how I feel on occasion. Lol)
So I would think it would be good until the thought of death settles in and makes the person nervous about their next choices. It seems like that might not be the case here, unless I'm mistaken. |
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Re: My Mortality
(User Rating: 1 )
by Waynster on
Saturday, 28th February 2015 @ 09:15:16 AM AEST
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Very mind churning. How do you write? Do you write of personal experience? Or do you write in third person, meaning you write words expressing how you think others feel or what others are going through, so to touch them, letting them know they are not alone?
Wayne |
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Re: My Mortality
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 1st March 2015 @ 12:41:02 AM AEST
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interesting mortality, my own
that is
And the soul, the mortal soul,
that soon follows me to my
end.
After which I can no longer
say anything ever again
Is it pristine or priceless
this vein of fate that follows me
to my end?
Surely I would not be alone
in wondering
about all there is to wonder
about
--- I think it's an age, or something
up against one/ in real time
who knows or should know,
just what
might come into focus a bit more
when the words, don't leave, do not go
in a different language speak
And the soldiers ***** all over the dead
corpse
Who cares they say
Who the hell cares
about mortality just now
Peace!
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