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To IrisBlue Re: Sweet Surrender
Contributed by
Felder_Fidwid
on
Friday, 6th February 2026 @ 06:38:35 AM in AEST
Topic:
insomniac
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Unfortunately the site would not let me keeve a comment so here goes. Please don't hate me. I never knew what to say to this one when I first read it back then. I read it back then again and again but I may have misinterpreted it and tonight I randomly read it again in some kind of new light and realize it's not what I thought. I remember something you told me somewhere in the first one or two years I knew you and I look at this poem now and feel more in tune with it. I might just now be understanding what it truly means and if I am right, I am so sorry that you you had to endure. People abusing our youth is far more worse than I had ever imagined. I sincerely hope you are doing better now. Then in later years, about thirteen years to be exact, you decided to break my heart again but like my brother-in-law once told me, "Never make deals with an alcoholic." You broke me. You broke my heart. But knowing and verifying things from the grapevine, I might get some of it but will never ever quite understand you. I hope hope hope you finally kicked that habit and have healed mentally. Do know that I tried patching things up several times since March of 2017 but I guess you weren't going to have any of it. Funny, because I finally, after thirteen years got angry with you and you couldn't handle it. Always patient, always kind and I blew up ONE time. Could it be that we come from two different worlds? By that I mean my family was poor. I mean, food was rationed at time and my disabled mom struggled to raise three kids. You came from wealth. Oi, that house you had. I would have given a lot of sacrifice to have a house like that but you were accustomed to always "getting things." Getting what you want. But it's weird, I'm realizing now with a lot of wealthy and rich people, they also assault their children and that messes the children up. They probably make it up by "spoiling " their children to make up for their own guilt. My family didn't know that type of abuse. Trust me, we knew abuse, but I think my particular family unit didn't know THAT type of abuse. So anyway, seeing as how this site has floundered you will probably never see this but if for some reason you do and want to go off on me or not go off on me, I'm still on Facebook. I'm guessing you have figured out who this is by now. I do still care about you. I care more than you might deserve, I'd think because you did or still do, I don't know, have a vicious side. You hurt me. You asked me to marry you and like the idiot I am, I took you seriously. I TOOK YOU SERIOUSLY. :( We talked about moving somewhere different. I guess I really knew deep down inside that you didn't mean it but I had hope. I really would have moved back up there with you but you could not even ever bring yourself to even come down here and visit me. I wanted to see if you would actually make a serious effort :`( After over six months of talking you never once came down here to visit but I HAD to come back to you. You once said, "I have money ___." And there it is, that money like I would care. Then after talking about going to see the Grand Canyon together on a Saturday and still acting as though you still loved me, literally seven days later, seven days later!!!! your tone changed from that sweetness I was loving ever since I met you to, "People change ___" That tone of voice. That monotone as a matter of fact tone in your voice. Anyway, don't lie, be a better person. I'm always trying and I hope, even after the initial shock of seeing this we may one day talk again. I miss your soft sweet voice but we may argue, at first, like humans do but in the state of the world today with the Orange Cancer destroying our world, I hope that you know that in that respect, I know we are on the same page and I cannot help but love you for that. You never let me get this out of my system so I'm doing it now (I'm spontaneous like that). I read this powerful poem for the hell of it and I think I originally misinterpreted it. Heck if I know, lol, it was a long time ago when you wrote it. I'm not angry, just wanted that out because I never made an explanation but I guess at the time I thought you had to actually already knew why I got upset. Fah-nee how that works. :)
Copyright ©
Felder_Fidwid
... [
2026-02-06 06:38:35] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: To IrisBlue Re: Sweet Surrender
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Sunday, 24th May 2015 @ 06:10:23 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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just another cottage under the beautiful sky
i don't buy my own clothes no more
and I sit in the car just waiting for so long
sometimes I feel like this brittle old man
when finally she appears, then leaves, she
forgot something, my face expressionless
I have not much hair left on my scalp
the days are like an eternity waiting..........my frail decrepit frame wasting away holding the steering wheel tight with thin fingers.
then she's finally ready to go all cheery
and singing song with her crappy A Cappella
making me wish I were dead and gone
Peace!
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