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Insomnia
Contributed by
legato29
on
Saturday, 17th October 2015 @ 10:49:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
insomniac
|
Dream with me a dream that never ends;
where no one cries and no one makes amends.
Into this dream with me will you ascend?
Or sleepless be and into hell descend?
Copyright ©
legato29
... [
2015-10-17 22:49:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Insomnia
(User Rating: 1 )
by xHeathenx on
Monday, 19th October 2015 @ 06:28:05 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I think some minor touch-ups, just for the sake of flow would be nice, like a suggestion akin to this:
"Or sleepless be and into hell should/would you descend?"
It would give it a sort of playful "sing-song" style too. Just a thought.
But outside out of that, I enjoy it. The only thing I wonder, is if "no one makes amends" is because no one cries, because they don't have to, or the two are irrelevant. Either way, it sounds like a happy dream. I'll look forward to such a place tonight. :)
-Mark |
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Re: Insomnia
(User Rating: 1 )
by blknwht on
Monday, 19th October 2015 @ 11:05:04 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I can relate.. I want to dream the same dream... I can see it.. I can feel it... I love how short and to the point this poem is... keep writing, and get some sleep! |
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