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like the death of an old friend
Contributed by
Cancer
on
Wednesday, 20th August 2003 @ 08:45:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
pain doesn't hurt
needles no longer sting
vulnerable for so long
now, numb to everything
this skin can't be mine
it just doesn't fit
now all of these scars
don't mean *****
become so numb
now there's nothing left to feel
lost the assurance
of the pain that was so real
so many years spent
wincing at every touch
now i can't feel the pain
that i depended on so much
forever severed
from the thrill of the blade
all sensation gone
sorrow resurfaced and displayed
can't fight the despair
with a new bleeding wound
all defenses gone
as depression intrudes
become so numb
now there's nothing left to feel
lost the assurance
of the pain that was so real
so many years spent
wincing at every touch
now i can't feel the pain
that i depended on so much
everyone always asked me
what cutting did for me
i told them that when i broke the skin
it was like being set free
from a mind's eye so voyeuristic
when it comes to agony
cutting's the only thing other than suicide
that will ever bring me peace
finally in control
of the pain that i receive
no more a victim to the whippings
of social enemies
the discomfort that i cause myself
is small in comparison
to the leering eyes and whispered words
that i suffer from my "fellow men"
(the pain is the only thing that's real)
cutting simply makes me happy
it clears my mind of thoughts of pain
cutting is simply all i have
til i give up and go for the vein
and now i've lost the warm sensation
that cutting gave to me
if you've never cut, then you won't understand
the madness this will bring
i've lost my only release
my only therapy
now my thoughts are free to take over me
and drive me, screaming, to insanity
(nothing left, oh god, there's nothing left)
making love to the blade, one last time
guiding it deeper
pressing it deeper
to sever the vein that feeds this Hell of mine
can't look back this time
no going back this time
as everything i fought to protect
just spills onto the floor
Copyright ©
Cancer
... [
2003-08-20 08:45:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: like the death of an old friend
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaeann on
Wednesday, 20th August 2003 @ 09:37:47 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| there are times when i wish i had that brand of courage.....that release.........great piece of work!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Re: like the death of an old friend
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jason_Robert_Britt on
Wednesday, 20th August 2003 @ 07:18:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Wonderfully said, once we lose our addictions, we lose ourselves. Great piece... glad you shared. |
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Re: like the death of an old friend
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kirby on
Wednesday, 20th August 2003 @ 09:00:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| I've been where you are...I had to stop or I would have gone over the edge of it feeling so damn good that u can't stop. I had friends that were scared for me and that made me see that i have to stop. But I know exactly what u mean. It's nice to see that somone has gone through the same thing and can write it out better then I can. Love:::Kirby |
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Re: like the death of an old friend
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bizzy on
Monday, 25th August 2003 @ 12:30:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
What did you just tell me in Moved by Satan?
and now (oh, god, there's nothing left)???
I've done other damage, but not cutting.
You are a talented poet. If what you write about is true, I'm sorry. Your talent could be a wonderful gift. Your friend, Bizzy |
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Re: like the death of an old friend
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cancer on
Monday, 25th August 2003 @ 12:49:05 AM AEST
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a Message)
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bizzy, i told you that i don't believe in god, but i still love some people, and that i don't seek to sate my selfish needs anymore than holy folks. "oh god, there's nothing left" is the same thing you would say if you lost your faith in god. the faithful base everything around that faith, and if it were gone, there would be a void that could not be filled. i would feel the same way if cutting didn't work anymore.
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