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Picture Perfect
Contributed by
Lia
on
Saturday, 23rd August 2003 @ 09:25:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
Her golden hair held curls
They glowed against the sunlight
Soft as a satin sheet
They feathered in the wind
The innocence inside her eyes
Showed through the baby blue
Peering out like marbles
Towards something up above
Her yellow sundress, cut at the knees
Was dirty from a day of playing
The strap on the right with a mind of it's own
Kept falling off her shoulder
Her tiny hand shielding her eyes from the sun
Pink nail polish still showing but worn
She looked the perfect picture
Silouhetted against the sunset
Like a candle burning in a window
Her only movement was her hair blowing in the breeze
It seemed as though time had stopped
To capture her picture for all to share
Only a couple of seconds later
She turned to me in tears
Her beautiful face far from clean
Except for the trails the tears had left
A blade of grass stuck to her forehead
Sand clinging to her neck
She looked at me with sad eyes
And sucked her tears back deep inside
With a sigh she sadly told me
"The ladybug flew away"...
Copyright ©
Lia
... [
2003-08-23 21:25:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Picture Perfect
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 30th September 2003 @ 01:19:35 AM AEST
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Oh, this is so beautiful. A very touching write.
Stacey |
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Re: Picture Perfect
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 19th August 2004 @ 09:01:56 AM AEST
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I found myself drawn into this poem's depth. You write well, with passion and creativity;
"It seemed as though time had stopped
To capture her picture for all to share"
However. I feel the ending, whilst the wonderment/sadness of the natural world was touched upon by the child's query, I feel it wasn't ended with as much depth as the rest. Perhaps you may have had the child stating or asking about the sunset. To me, this would have made a far more powerful crescendo to what is, as it stands, a lovely work of poetic description.
Keep writing. |
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