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club meds - #1
Contributed by
painted_echos
on
Tuesday, 26th August 2003 @ 03:45:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
damn, the emergency room, and all because i cant stop cryingterminal tears. my eyes are dry now, so do i say, excuse me, though no tears just now, im here because i cant stop crying?
but i was crying, as soon as she asked me to sit down and asked me what was wrong. everything but nothing at allplease, just make it stop. yes, i have no appetite (you can leave that one with me), no, not sleeping much. yes, i'm not going out much. work...i just can't. and have i thought of suicidehmm, well i have a daughter, i cant. do you have another box of tissue? nice to lie down; god, what am i doing here? what the hell is off with me?
take these the doctor said, and ill come back. tears still pouring, whatever he gave me is starting to take them away. the doctors back and asking me questions i cant remember, and said he could do one of two things, send me home with a bottle of tranquilizers, or call social services, and have them see about checking me into a hospital.
lovely choice. can you give me about 10 minutes to think. well, i dont think sending me home with a bottle of tranquilizers is good idea; they just take feeling away and i need to deal with it. the hospital. i wasnt expecting that. not at all, and i dont know that i want to go. and the last thing my daughter needs, is to worry about her mom in the hospital; shes got enough on her plate with the divorce. but im not much good at being mom lately, and thats not good for her either. damn, the doctors back, and i still dont knowthats not like me. how did i get to this? if i cant make a decision, perhaps i should go. call, then.
she was nice; cant remember her name though. she talked to me for a while, said if i decided to go, it would be a voluntary admission. does that mean i can leave when i want to? yes. how long do you think ill be there? from a couple of days to a couple of weeks. fine, ill go. where do i sign? ill tell my daughter that im going away on business again; guess i better call her dad. i think youre doing the right thing, she said. so this place is on top of a hill by the ocean; i can check in this evening. then i better go home and pack. yes, i can drive; im no longer zonked.
almost 8pm. hellowell her name is easy to remember; same as mine. its getting late and im really not up to the drive, and yes, i want to drive myself. i am ok and will be ok tonight. im just going to sleep. ok, ill be there at 11am tomorrow.
so i think i have everything i need, and its only 4:30 pm. glad i called and said i was running a bit behind. i should get there about 6pm (only seven hours late). pretty drive, when you get to the coast. i wish i had my glasses, cant wear contacts lately. its on a hill, alright. gorgeous view. ok, girlwalk through the door.
ah, the woman who called me last night; nice to meet you. more questions, same questionsand here come the tears again. ridiculous. thank you for helping me with my things.
excuse me, is this lock down? i wasnt expecting this, yes ill sit here. my blood pressure is always low. what are they doing with my luggage they are going through everything, including my purse. disrobe and put the gown on so they can check my clothes. open the gown, so they can check me. lovely.
dressed again and sit with the admit nurse while she explains whatever; cant remember really. lots of papers to sign. medical doctors here now to write order for the meds i take at home, plus ativan if needed for sleep (if this is where im to stay, will probably need it). oh, can you look at this, i was outside the other day. im not sure if something bit me, or i nicked it gardening. thank you. were done here.
oh, so you have my wallet and keys, license and ccs which you are sending to admin to put in the safe. ok, guess that means, i cant just leave. nice to know, i suppose. where can i smoke a cigarette? excuse me, one cigarette every two hours; are you serious? lovely.
this is my room. oh my god, where is my luggage and why are all of my things in paper bags, and where is the belt to my robe? pencils, pens, spiral notebooks, *****, even my toothbrush, make up, lotionall gone. what? do they think i might try to drink my bottle of hand lotion? wonder who my roommate is.
oh god, look. theyre lining up for medswhere is nurse wratchet?
smoke break, its 10pm. unlock the door to the other wingunlock the door to the patiohand out the cigarettes. yuck, this patio is like a cage; bars on all sides, even across the top. that mural could use some updating. ok, then, back in we go. guess ill go back to my room and put my pjs s on. glad my bed is by the window; ohbars again.
and hi to you, guess youre my roommate, nice to meet you. i did not expect to be in a lock down facility. oh, everyone comes here first. after the psych doctor sees me, hell probably transfer me to the building up on the hill. you are going tomorrow? well, maybe ill get lucky, then.
Copyright ©
painted_echos
... [
2003-08-26 03:45:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: club meds - #1
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Tuesday, 26th August 2003 @ 10:57:20 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Thank you for sharing this, Painted-Echos. You couldn't have been more vivid in your descriptions of events. I look forward to reading the others.
Jenni
P/S...welcome to ypdc |
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Re: club meds - #1
(User Rating: 1 )
by painted_echos on
Tuesday, 26th August 2003 @ 05:37:57 PM AEST
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thank you, Jenni,
both for the complement and the welcome. I've been jumping around the different genres of poetry...it is a wonderful site. i've read several of your poems, and liked them very much. hope to read more of yours, as well.
m |
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Re: club meds - #1
(User Rating: 1 )
by POOBEAR on
Tuesday, 26th August 2003 @ 11:13:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Dear Painted_Echoes,
Thank you so much for writing this.
I had a similar experience but I don't
think I could put it into words as beautifully
as you have here.It was 3 days before I
got to the main facility. Really a great write!
POOBEAR
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