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No Title
Contributed by
Ivy
on
Tuesday, 23rd September 2003 @ 11:05:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
FriendshipPoetry
|
I see fog ahead of me,
I seek the help of Thee.
I don't know where life is taking me to,
As things seem hard whatever I do.
I know it is difficult to walk through the walk of life,
there are people behind you with a dangerous knife.
But everybody keeps moving on,
Few inspiring others and giving them strength to carry on.
I know that Thy,
will help me fly.
Help me make my dreams come true,
Because I have one person with me that is You.
Copyright ©
Ivy
... [
2003-09-23 23:05:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: No Title
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 23rd September 2003 @ 11:08:32 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Know what cha mean.
Hang tuff!
PEACE, JOY, LUV,
emy
Good work. |
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Re: No Title
(User Rating: 1 )
by garyh on
Tuesday, 23rd September 2003 @ 11:23:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
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good write... i like the idea behind it, i think maybe you should change one of the "walk"s to another word in line 5
also i think maybe you are limiting yourself too much with the rhyming... remember, poetry is not rhyming... poetry is rhythm.. so don't limit yourself....
you have a good talent.. cherish it and let your abilities show... |
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Re: No Title
(User Rating: 1 )
by art1st on
Wednesday, 24th September 2003 @ 08:05:49 AM AEST
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a Message)
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i have to agree a lot with garyh on this piece. a solid foundation for a write, but the meter (tempo) is off.
as for suggestions for line 5:
I know it is difficult to walk the path of life
just an idea there
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Re: No Title
(User Rating: 1 )
by Damien on
Wednesday, 24th September 2003 @ 09:12:54 AM AEST
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| nice write |
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Re: No Title
(User Rating: 1 )
by The_Poet on
Wednesday, 24th September 2003 @ 12:18:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Someone is soon gonna become a Poetess!!! Nice write.. Keep em' coming Alice |
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