|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
-Through The Hour Glass-
Contributed by
TaintedOptomist
on
Thursday, 27th November 2003 @ 02:23:11 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
time slips away
glimpses on bottles of guiness
flashes of memory on a faded screen
hazy eyes grow weary
tired eyes cry tears of blood
cry for me with parched eyes
never settle for societies essential lies
dont ignore the pain filled adolesant cries
sing for the under privledged and abused
sing a ballad of broken hearts
they lost the race before the start
Copyright ©
TaintedOptomist
... [
2003-11-27 02:23:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: -Through The Hour Glass-
(User Rating: 1 )
by ArdRi79 on
Thursday, 27th November 2003 @ 02:34:15 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I like the imagery you used here, the last verse is very powerfull,
"sing for the under privledged and abused" |
|
|
Re: -Through The Hour Glass-
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Thursday, 27th November 2003 @ 04:50:57 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
As good as the last 5 lines are, there's a distinct nonsequitor between the first 2 stanzas and the last two, and i fail to make a strong connection.
Write some more poetry; With your potential, I think you'll churn out something fantastic. |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
