|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Pleasingly Numb
Contributed by
SensitiveSoAbused
on
Monday, 1st December 2003 @ 11:55:28 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Pleasingly Numb
The Thoughts have returned,
more powerful than ever this time,
and I cannot resist.
Sitting in this chair,
muscles clenched,
I am shaking,
and tears prick at my eyes.
A cry of anguish
a cross between a whimper and a yell
escapes my lips,
and I curl up in the fetal position,
my fingers clutching, pulling
at my hair.
My breathing is rapid,
and every muscle aches.
I mustI must!
****!!!
Frantically I search the drawer
until I find it.
Relieved, I clutch the knife in my hand,
tight, never wanting to let go.
My mind burns with memories
and I long to see the blood,
to feel the sharp burst of pain
once again.
But I mustnt.
Sitting hunched,
my teeth grate
and my knuckles whiten
around the hilt.
I yell, the pressure too much,
and throw the scintillating toy down
in a lucid moment of defiance.
Desperately, I grope for a pen
And now I write
But glancing over the page,
the words are inadequate
I can see it lying there,
Beckoning, Taunting.
It happened
The words tear mercilessly through my mind.
IT HAPPENED, and all the ****ING writing in the world
wont change that
****.
I want to cry
but I cant
My fingers clenching and unclenching sporadically,
I twist and thrash in the chair,
every nerve on end,
the aggravation building.
Intermittently, I pull at my hair,
my breathing ragged.
IT ****ING HAPPENED!!!
I throw my hands in the air,
a mix of frustration, sorrow, rage, confusion.
Clasping them behind my neck
I shut my eyes tight,
trying to block these Thoughts.
But they will not be silenced.
My hand trembles as I write,
and I push harder, harder on the pen,
craving physical release.
Oh ****OH ****!
The tension builds,
and I look around for something to destroy,
but the voice in my head
tells me it is wrong.
And now the hands,
tearing at the hair again;
I rock back and forth in the chair
I pound relentlessly on my pillow,
and more then ever, I want the knife,
my fingernails scraping repeatedly down my arms.
I pick it up, and in both hands, I hold it,
and I am still a moment.
I think again,
If I was completely numb,
I could never be hurt.
Then suddenly, in a wave, the sorrow is gone
forced away, as I feel my body
filling with anger, rage and hate.
Contemptibly, I fling the tool down.
But I am angry only at myself,
for it is all I know
that is legitimate.
I hate myself for trusting,
and believing,
and feeling.
I hate my naivety
and in a flash,
I want to be shallow and sadistic.
I want to feel nothing
but hate.
Because hate
allows no pain.
And as my stomach knots,
and my storm of emotions battle confusedly,
my face no longer contorts.
It is expressionless.
For as the smiling pictures on my walls
jeer tormentingly,
The word forever
is indefinitely abolished from my vocabulary,
and I stare vacantly, hollow.
Copyright ©
SensitiveSoAbused
... [
2003-12-01 11:55:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Pleasingly Numb
(User Rating: 1 )
by Broken-glass on
Monday, 1st December 2003 @ 12:21:54 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I felt your words. Very powerful. Il ove the intensity and rawness of the fact you wrote this soon after what happned. It's always the best way don't you think? I think writing it down in the form of a poem, brain spat, rambling, thought or whatever always helps the release. Well done!
Broken-glass |
|
|
Re: Pleasingly Numb
(User Rating: 1 )
by juliette on
Monday, 1st December 2003 @ 01:43:27 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I feel your pain - and you write just like my best friend, who is part of the reason I still write. He would love this peace! I envy the fact that you can so purely describe your anger - I lean towards the sappy end of the spectrum and the angry parts of me seem to lose their voice. Fantastic write! Hope you feel better soon! Thanks for sharing!
juliette |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
