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Obscured Vision
Contributed by
bobotheclown
on
Thursday, 4th December 2003 @ 01:02:15 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I find I'm down here again
Broken, on my knees
I've lost my way
Because tears obscure my vision
I feel it building inside
And I can't fight it!
And I can't fight it!
Cutting, just to make it through the night
I'm weakened by my thoughts
And broken further by these actions
I stare into the blackness
As it folds itself around me
And draws me closer, draws me closer
I'm afraid because of what I've done
Creeping, across the carpet
Crawling, for the phone
So I won't die here, alone
Trembling, because I want to live
Feeble, as I choke on my screams
And realize I can't make it
Because tears obscure my vision
Copyright ©
bobotheclown
... [
2003-12-04 01:02:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Obscured Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by bopeep on
Thursday, 4th December 2003 @ 01:13:39 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| aawwe... do u need a hug? i don;t care. ::hug:: there ya go anyways. Just take deep breaths and think of the positive and happy things... it works...kinda. |
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Re: Obscured Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by fairyfloss on
Thursday, 4th December 2003 @ 06:24:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Good write its kinda creepy in a way.. like the thought of dying alone youve captured it really well, keep up the good work! |
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Re: Obscured Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by afraid_of_fear on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 05:36:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
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so good.. hope you're doing okay..
x_x_x |
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Re: Obscured Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by Three_Blind_Mice on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 12:16:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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That was a dark beauty. Have a drink on me.
the Drunk |
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Re: Obscured Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by SensitiveSoAbused on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 01:48:28 PM AEST
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my word joel this poem is fantastic. i love it. i love the way you repeat i cant fight it and i think other lines. i love the entire last stanza, especially the last two lines.
this hits hard in a sensitive place, my friend. excellent job. |
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Re: Obscured Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 05:07:58 PM AEST
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| an excellent dark write joel, i felt scared and alone crawling to a phone myself, ewww even lol, i hope all is well with you though, always here if you want a shoulder:) hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Obscured Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 9th December 2003 @ 05:03:00 AM AEST
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| Perfect Joel, absolutely perfect. This poem is amazing and I can relate to it so much. You have captured your pain so deeply |
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Re: Obscured Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by carebear on
Monday, 5th January 2004 @ 03:44:26 AM AEST
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perfect just perfect lol...this one of ur poems I really liked aside from every sore re-opened hehe..keep writen the demons the fears n pain on paper hunnie...
Care |
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Re: Obscured Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by CuttersAngel on
Thursday, 15th April 2004 @ 06:43:17 PM AEST
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Wow.... i relate so well... i dont understand what isnt getting acrossed.... but then again, we do the same thing, so maybe that's why i understand it so well....
cilla |
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