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SUMMER MOON
Contributed by
MALCOLM9
on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 12:37:14 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Blue tiles of light
Dancing in the night
You're nearly naked
Yearning in the Moonlight
I love you so true
That I wish time would stop
And sometimes I am so afraid to touch you
In that this dream will all just disappear
Copyright ©
MALCOLM9
... [
2003-12-05 00:37:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: SUMMER MOON
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 3rd June 2006 @ 10:23:13 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| your first stanza stands out as the best because its completely original. your second stanza has the cliches, but i think with the tone and some good use of punctuation you can create the tone needed to make the ending powerful. your freestyle use of rhymes like this might sometimes make them forced, which is something you need to look out for. |
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