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spirits in a motel room
Contributed by
Cancer
on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 01:04:33 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
a symphonic swan song
backlit the moment
that i saw your lips touch his
the moment that i saw our love die
for days i wandered, in stupor
wondering when it all went wrong
wondering when you had stopped loving me
before long, my sorrow turned to rage
the pain of loss that i felt
turned to a seething fury that scarred my mind
before long, my smile returned
i caught you together
sadly, it was quite easy
you barely put forth the effort
to cover your tracks
i caught you together
you, tied to the motel bed
he, teasing you
with feather, whip, and tongue
i, standing at the kicked in door
my face showing no emotion
but your face said it all
he was small and frightened
and when the saw the gun
he begged like a coward
on his knees, pleading for his pathetic life
i smiled as i aimed
and laughed
as the bullet sucked his face
into the hole in the front of his skull
you screamed, but no one came
shouldn't have picked such an "out of the way" motel
and people are spineless these days
they never came to aid you
only called the police
and by the time they arrived
it was already over
i lay next to your subdued form
on the bed where your sin was to be renewed
i caressed you as you cried
whispering soothing words
dropping the gun, to prove that i meant no harm
i just wanted to keep you true to your vows
you said, "til death do us part"
and i intended to hold you to that
so loving was i
that i shared your pain
everytime i stabbed you
i stabbed myself as well
and when eleven holes
pock-marked our snuggling torsos
i threw the knife aside
so that i might hold you as you died
i licked your bleeding wounds
and kissed you
spitting your waning life into your hateful mouth
i looked into your dying eyes
and whispered, "i love you"
your face contorted and you were about to reply
when your eyelids fluttered and your head lolled
and then you were gone
i kissed you softly
the way you used to kiss me
and lay my head on your breast
i smiled weakly and closed my eyes
and then i followed you
now, our spirits trapped within this room
i, eternally chasing you 'round the room
you, shrieking with a fear that cannot hope for further death
he, cowering in the corner
looking small, looking like a frightened child
and he will cower forever
and you will flee forever
and i,
i will forever chase you
trying to recapture
the love that i let slip away in life
Copyright ©
Cancer
... [
2003-12-05 01:04:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: spirits in a motel room
(User Rating: 1 )
by SensitiveSoAbused on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 03:11:54 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
great poem, cancer. good stuff.
think it would work better to end after
and then i followed you.
i love the line, as the bullet sucked his face throught the hole in his skull
dont like the title |
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Re: spirits in a motel room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniela_Maria_Violin on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 09:09:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I agree with Sensitive...
"and then I followed you" would have been a great ending. I liked it anyway. |
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Re: spirits in a motel room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cobalt on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 09:54:39 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| This was another great one Cancer. Granted I swear you write the sickest ***** though. I always enjoy reading them. |
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Re: spirits in a motel room
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaeann on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 04:47:40 AM AEST
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| you write with poetic justice.............. |
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Re: spirits in a motel room
(User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 02:46:34 PM AEST
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| Great work as always. Although, "and then i followed you" would have been a good ending. Ending it there wouldn't have done complete justice to the poem. Plus, I like the way the last stanza flows. Groovy write. |
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Re: spirits in a motel room
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Monday, 8th December 2003 @ 01:35:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
this was great. I laughed which I found slightly odd and it reminded me of something although I don't know what. Great description and imagery.
Bobo (Joel) |
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