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MY WILD IRISH CREME
Contributed by
lovingcritters
on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 11:39:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
HumorPoetry
|
This Friday morn, 'twas -1 below!
I'm usually up by 5, no one budged.....
'til literally, by my dogs, I was nudged
Falling on the floor so slow!
It's a "turd of Hurdles"......no-no-no!
You have dogs, or at least I think so?
It's a stampede, stomping loudly to the front door.
If I let them out while rampaging,
Someone going by would run raging....
"Now settle down, or you can stay put!"
I opened the door, but forgot to withdraw my foot!
Now, nature was calling an older bladder
to have and to hold.
They stepped on my feet, 'twas not very neat!
Crouching over trying to be bold, I slipper slipped
carefully until I hit the seat!
It was then I heard a voice.....I was thinking
"Too much Irish Creme?
But I haven't started boozing yet....
Oh, it's just a bad dream!"
In the middle of my pause that refreshes,
I heard it again, "Are you Miss Connie?"
I then said, "This is not funny Montie!"
Folding my nightgown as it releases.
"Good morning, my fine lady," my name is:
"Scolo-pendro-Morpha" the voice was very low.
At that moment in my mind...I knew, I was whacko!
"Just lean an inch or two, and peer,
into your bathroom sink, my dear!"
I thought, Sure why not, I suppose next you'll
say you're god?"
I said, "What next would you like me to do, applaud?"
I leaned, but I didn't see God, what I saw was
a million legs all dancing, prancing, slipping,
twitching, headed right for me!
The first thought that I could retain.......
"It's the Loch Ness monster, lost no more!!!!
He's in my bathroom sink...now I know I'm insane!
I didn't even stay to hear anymore....I sprang,
me and my nightcap,
By-passing the toilet paper, no time to wipe,
No time to rap, no time to yap!
Bolting through the door, down the hallway.
Embraced in the arms of my big jug of
Irish Creme straightaway!
A Big Jolt of my Irish friend, I can hear clearer.
I could still hear him in the sink chatter!
Best have one more small jolt, for the road!
Fortified, I walked very slowly, actually strode,
reaching the sink, encouraging my courage,
I thought, "I've talked to dogs, cats, snakes, ants, toads, but a centipede with numerous
toes footage?"
"Hi there Mr Centipede, how'd you get in my sink?
Wyoming is too cold for you, I think?"
Then he looked right at me and spoke,
"I hitched a ride that day when you flew.
Remember to Kansas City, with your family crew?"
"But," I sighed, "That was over three years ago?"
He replied, "I know, I've been stuck, Montie removed
your cosmetic kit, and my legs could go and flow!'
"Excuse me, Peddy, do you mind?"
In his voice so low, I could hardly hear....
"No, not at all, you see I'm very kind!
I hardly ever bite, but I know I'm scary
with all my many legs and sleek body, I look hairy!,
Would you mind if I had a small drink?"
"Not at all my little Peddy, let me pour
for you while you're in the sink."
Then my compassion clicked in, and I had to ask,
"Mr. Peddy, are you cold...I have some Irish Creme
in my flask?"
"Thank you, no, I used to drink Irish whiskey
with my eggs.
Until one day I started growing many legs!
That's when I went on my whiskey spurt.
I don't have a million legs, that comment really hurt!
I suppose a million they must appear.
It's very expensive, breaks me up
buying footgear!" he said.
"Where will you go from here Peddy bug?"
"Oh, I'll just disappear, before I go would
you like a hug?"
"Ahhh, no thank you, I need to sit down,
nice meeting you, Mr. Centipede, I'll see you around!"
"Hey, Mont, when you showered did you see the
centipede in the sink? I moaned.
"You've been drinking too much
Irish Creme, Mom,
"I didn't see a centipede in the sink!" he groaned!
Created by
Cheri Cam LeBren
December 2003
I drink even more now!
*smiles*
Copyright ©
lovingcritters
... [
2003-12-05 23:39:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: MY WILD IRISH CREME
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 12:08:57 AM AEST
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me thinks we need a pot of tea,
look out for furkids dear connie,
hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: MY WILD IRISH CREME
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 12:27:59 AM AEST
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Very funny!
Guess we gotta believe this one.
luv it!
I speak to my animals too but they talk back.
Never had a centiped talk back at me tho.
luv, huggs,
emy |
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Re: MY WILD IRISH CREME
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cobalt on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 02:28:59 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Hahahaha. That one was pretty funny ConSue. I really enjoyed reading that. Mmmmm something to warm the insides... Hehe. |
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Re: MY WILD IRISH CREME
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaeann on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 04:40:30 AM AEST
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yes indeed tea
or maybe a dose of thc
stay a way from the brew
and the irish creme stew......... |
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Re: MY WILD IRISH CREME
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 05:33:22 AM AEST
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| aww its centipede.. |
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Re: MY WILD IRISH CREME
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 05:58:36 AM AEST
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Very nice, lighthearted poem. I gotta believe this one! Great picture, all 'round smiles on this one.
With poetic love,
-V.S. |
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Re: MY WILD IRISH CREME
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 02:34:12 PM AEST
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| NIce one...ha ha ha ha..I used to wonder in my young an dinnocent days why would irish coffee and long island tea cause hangovers. It really is the "irish cream" in the case of irish coffee and I guess in your doctor-doolittle-powers.. |
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Re: MY WILD IRISH CREME
(User Rating: 1 )
by Zee on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 03:54:17 PM AEST
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Thats funny!!! Very nice & light hearted write from you!!! I would love if you just take some time out & take a small peek at my latest write!! I need guidance from people like you!!Thank you!
Zee |
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Re: MY WILD IRISH CREME
(User Rating: 1 )
by irshprnss on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 06:08:11 PM AEST
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I am going to think twice next time I see a centipede!! And if it talks I'm blaming it not only on the Irish Cream but on you for putting the idea their! I'll let you know if it happens! Thanks for the laugh.
Diana |
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Re: MY WILD IRISH CREME
(User Rating: 1 )
by norm on
Sunday, 7th December 2003 @ 05:15:34 PM AEST
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The other day I passed a store
wherein were sold some pets,
The cost they wanted for a dog,
Was pricey as it gets.
I checked a number fancy cats,
And this is what I found,
Two Hundred Fifty was starting price
for cat or frog or hound.
I never thought to ask the clerk
A pretty name of Meg
What they charge for centipede
or was it by the leg?
I wonder now when I think back
The food old Peddy eats,
Or maybe you buy the food to feed
all those many feets...
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Re: MY WILD IRISH CREME
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ianthe on
Tuesday, 9th December 2003 @ 07:38:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is so cute! But that bug is one scary looking monster!!!!!
Ianthe |
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