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Stained Tear
Contributed by
stickybowler911
on
Sunday, 7th December 2003 @ 12:32:03 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
The pain inflicted; by you
Tormenting my heart
Drew forth the blood stained tear
Moping down my face;
a desperate leap of Suicide off my cheek,
Therefore rescuing the lips from the taste
A premonition of failure
Appears before my mind, I see
The droplet of blood; staining the rug
Like a blemish on my memory;
Unforgivable, inerasable.
Hand crafted, Skull imprinted flask
Filled to the brim,
holding yesterday's feelings
Sits on the table top, awaiting orders;
to hold and hide my tears for one more night
Copyright ©
stickybowler911
... [
2003-12-07 00:32:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Stained Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Sunday, 7th December 2003 @ 01:11:04 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
um, ow?
This poem, as most dark poems, shoots for the hollow sadness inside. And this one did the job. Your thoughts, if not original, are excellent. Poerty like yours is the reason I don't say rhyme and meter are always important; rather, it's all or nothing, as go betweens rarely do anything but meddle with the feeling of the poem.
Just as a hint, though:
Honestly, I think there's a better suiting word that "inerasable;" the rest of the poem presents such delicate imagery, and that word simply struck me as standing out.
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Re: Stained Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jacquelynne on
Sunday, 7th December 2003 @ 05:16:38 AM AEST
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| wow...this is truly amazing, soooo beautiful, and the way the words just fall into a rhythm, a simply complicated rhythm, its just....wow... |
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Re: Stained Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Sunday, 7th December 2003 @ 08:09:26 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| dearest sticky, this is a wonderful beautiful write, filled with vivid images, again, i will look for more poetry from you and warm welcome to ypdc:) hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Stained Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cobalt on
Sunday, 7th December 2003 @ 08:01:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This was an incredibly interesting write... I did enjoy it. |
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