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Intimate Suicide
Contributed by
StarBeneathTheStairs
on
Saturday, 3rd January 2004 @ 04:12:18 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
As I walk slowly through the dead leaves,
I can just hear her crying as she still grieves
She feels there's no life left in her veins,
No will in her mind, only the pains.
Though I offer her comfort; all I can give,
Through her tears she feels there's no reason to live,
She picks up the gun, I see fear in her eyes
And despite my protests, my desperate cries
She whispers 'I love you but my life can't go on'
Then she pulls the trigger, and with that she was gone.
Copyright ©
StarBeneathTheStairs
... [
2004-01-03 04:12:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Intimate Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 3rd January 2004 @ 05:24:31 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I am absolutely blown away by this poem. I can't believe it is one of your first. You have amazing talent. I am definately going to be on the lookout for more work from you. Keep writing poetry, because it is something you are very good at. |
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Re: Intimate Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Saturday, 3rd January 2004 @ 06:25:58 AM AEST
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Very talented and mature. Awesome poem. If this is one of your first, then I forsee great things from you.
Truly,
-V.S. |
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Re: Intimate Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lovingangel4u on
Saturday, 3rd January 2004 @ 07:16:52 AM AEST
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Wow! Sweetie this is really a heart felt and outstanding poem for your age. I hope that this was just imaginary situation. I would love to read more of your work.
take care
Carmen |
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Re: Intimate Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by outsider on
Saturday, 3rd January 2004 @ 07:29:40 AM AEST
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| Very good poem, and very well written. If i'd written it i'd be very pleased with the way it turned out. Nicely done. |
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Re: Intimate Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by SuicidalSon on
Saturday, 3rd January 2004 @ 10:21:17 AM AEST
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| Only 14 with thoughts like this, you remind me of me, younger writers have more imagination than anyone so keep writing maybe we'll see ourselves on top someday |
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Re: Intimate Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Saturday, 3rd January 2004 @ 05:42:02 PM AEST
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Welcome to YPDC.... This is very good... I can't wait to see more of your work!!
Jenni
P/S Hope this was fictional... |
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Re: Intimate Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 3rd January 2004 @ 08:59:05 PM AEST
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Hi, welcome,
I agree this is written very wel for a first poem.
It jus bothers me 2 the core to see so many teens facinated with suicide. Ofcourse this has no refelcetion on your writing whatsoever. U got yuour point accross very wel.
Hang tuff.
peace, joy, luv, hugs,
emy |
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