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Everything
Contributed by
alecfernadez
on
Friday, 9th January 2004 @ 12:27:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
It all started when I cried
Memories and emotions;
Speeding by,
I couldn't take
I had to write
Nothng is fake
And Sorry for my pain
But right now nothings right
Forgive me
Everything
Innocent child, walking down the street
Innocent child, looking at his feet
hurting inside, parents filled with hate;
Dead not alive; Awaiting his fate
Innocent child, unsuspecting prey
Innocent child, not ready for today
Mummy is unhappy, daddy is mad,
And this child is way to sad
Broken home, un-inviting for anyone
Broken child, the dying son
Innocent Child, wanting a friend
Innocent Child, unable to defend
Something just clicked inside
Unbearable to find someone kind
someone who loved this child
Someone who saw the wild
untamed heart of this boy
and used him as a toy
Abusing, frustrating and forever hating
This boy brutalized by his mere innocence
Innocent Child, cried today,
Innocent Child, thought he was gay
Abuse can harm, but so can life
Innocent Child, first found the knife
But nobody cared
Daddy just stared
Thought he was doing something wrong
He had to punish; not for long
Mummy and Daddy arguing again,
plates smashing; bring on the pain
Fighting and fighting,
this child sat waiting
for the kiss that would make everything right
but didnt get it, not even in the dark night
Always screaming in his sleep,
Sometimes he even weeps
Daddy says boy's dont cry
Daddy says a child cant lie
Daddy says your a fag
Daddy says your so bad
It hurt so much, needed love
Innocent child searched above
Couldnt find anything, just more abuse
Leaving him cold and confused
hurting all the time
even when writing this rhyme
It will never stop,
Can never say enough
All this pain, emotional anguish
losing all his friends; couldnt catch a fish
such a dissapointment
Later in life, hurting even more
mommy and daddy would finish
Never asking questions, always punish
That innocent childm with eyes filled with pain
Parents didnt know, hurt him again and again
Needed a friend or two
Didnt know anyone
Not even a few
Found out how to use the internet
Was still so upset
He made a couple of friends
Made him happy; each message they send
He trusted them, he believed in them
But he couldnt defend
They used him so much
Didnt see the fuss
Didnt understand what was going on
Daddy didnt know; losing his son
After, cutting began again
To punish, and release the pain
Mommy left Daddy son and sister,
Old scars began to blister
So much confusion, so much doubt
Hurting, Hurting for such a lout
A scapegoat for everything
Akk his fault; even his scarred skin
Everything was all on him,
every single cardinal sin
So much pressure all around,
this lost child, neither lost or found
Everything spiraling down,
All these pain then...Not a sound
It was all peaceful for a while,
Even forgot about pedafile,
Yet still confused, new feelings arrived
Cant take these, how will I survive,
Dont want to end up like them,
Need to end all my fears,
Need to brush away these tears
Just need to forget,
No need to regret
It worked for a little bit,
But then life turned to *****,
Daddy lost everything again,
No more school for you son,
Time to relive all the pain,
Your leaving all your friends behind,
Dont worry, new ones you'll find
seven years isnt a very long time,
you can move easily, its a sign,
Remember only fags keep crying,
Oh by the way, your granddads dying
Everything on me all at once,
feeling strange, like a ponce,
I'm not gay, I dont understand,
This Stigmata is on my hand,
Everything is leaving me,
my memories freed, I'll never be free,
these tears run down my face,
Strangle myself with my lace,
I dont know who I am,
All I know is I am sad,
everything is hurting now,
My arm begins to itch, I wonder how,
Never been kissed before,
still crying because I'm a whore,
were where you god when I lost it all,
were where you Jesus, I tried to call,
these tears keep on flowing,
My pain keeps on going,
here I am today,
Confused from the past,
Always finishing last,
All because I wanted love,
Even searched above,
I'm so tired, I want to die,
But I cant; I cut; I cry,
Everything is leaving me,
Why cant anyone see,
All this pain is hurting me,
I just want to bleed
Everything is my life
Everything is my knife
Everything; all the abuse
Everything; all the misuse;
Everything; you said to me;
Everything; You did to me;
Everything; makes me cry
Everything; I WANT TO DIE
Here I am now, lost and alone,
Here I am now alone at home,
Here I am so confused,
Here I am now feeling used,
All I ever wanted was compassion,
All I ever wanted was no emotion,
All I ever wanted was no more tears
All I ever wanted was no more fears...
And now, I have no fear,
Now, I wipe my tear,
Now, I step up to the bridge,
Now, I climb up real quick,
Now, I look down below,
Now, I'm feeling low,
Now, Seeing the cars go by
Now, Wondering If I could fly
Now, All I want to do is jump
Now, A squashed dead lump
Now, I accept my fate
Now, I watch filled with hate
Now, I wonder and I see
Now, I wonder what I'll be
Now, Standing so high
Now, Touching the sky
NOW, Wondering why
NOW, I cannot end this
Copyright ©
alecfernadez
... [
2004-01-09 12:27:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by xDeex on
Friday, 9th January 2004 @ 12:57:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Lots of feeling went into this poem and I give you loads of credit for being able to finish such a meaninful peice..... even if it took you a week... I would not had the will power to finish something like this. I hope you feel better... keep up the poems, I would love to read some more.
-Dee- |
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Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by LOWMAN613 on
Friday, 9th January 2004 @ 01:41:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Wow! I really feel for,your pain is showing so clear in this write,It looks like it did take alot of time to get this out,but I'm sure it helped to get it out! I hope things will get better for you people can be so creul & I'm sorry you had to deal with this pain! Take care! Christina |
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Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by MissTea on
Friday, 9th January 2004 @ 02:35:39 PM AEST
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a Message)
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NONE of what happened to u is your fault, not one single bit. u were brainwashed to believe that because u were abused that makes u gay, that it turns u into a whore and that its all your fault. WELL DON'T BELIEVE THAT sh** anymore. you now have a chance to make things right, within yourself. God never lefted u during those times, u just had to look deeper. I've learnt out of my pain which grows stronger comes a lesson, one that God intends for me to teach others. you can be an inspiration to so many people out there who have been through the same turmoil but only if u pick up the pieces of ur broken heart and u give it to God to mend. He will do it for u, He's done it for me, just give it all to Jesus.
no-one ever said that taking that route was easy though, but u have people to help u along the way.
i hope many people will read your poem and make it a goal in their lives to prevent it from happening to another.
your truly gifted, stay stong
love
MissTea |
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Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by Necromant on
Saturday, 10th January 2004 @ 06:22:54 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I totally agree with MissTea! It takes a lot of courage to post a poem telling the story of your life to the public. I admire you! Stay strong! You are very talented. I'm impressed
Anne |
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Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cobalt on
Tuesday, 13th January 2004 @ 05:14:14 PM AEST
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| Alec this has got to be one of the absolute best poems I have ever read. The emotion behind it was so overwhelming. I don't even want to say how I felt and if I was not at work I would surely be in a corner again crying my eyes out... It's not all your fault though. |
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Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by corrupted_minds on
Friday, 16th April 2004 @ 02:42:02 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Your poetry is of true beauty, and if by any chance you come across this poem do e-mail me plz. Your work is un-discribable with the powerful emotions you put into it. It's not your fault and you should understand that. PLz dont stop writing, share this gift with the world and i hope everything turns for the better.
forever,
woei queen |
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