|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
tears not time
Contributed by
infedelity_hurts
on
Thursday, 15th January 2004 @ 06:30:43 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
tears not time
a tear drops from my eye
its arrival was anticipated
but i was still shocked
upon finding my vision
temporarily blurred and burned
its salty taste
has etched a gravestone
with your name
in the memory sector
of my mind
my heart is lacerated,
gushing red rivers
filtering my love
your apology doesn'y assist
it's un-operable
i'll leave it for time to heal
the tears descent continues
carving a path beneath my chin
where days ago
was your makeshift pillow
my arms your blanket
our love your security
we layed together for hours
completely still
safe...
my heart is lacerated,
gushing red rivers
filtering my love
your apology doesn'y assist
it's un-operable
i'll leave it for time to heal
this single droplet
it reaches its target
my chest seizes up, burning
engulfed in flames
my heart is blazing
the smoke swirls around my eyes
forming your name
every memory erased
this tear blasts them away
its journey finished
i've been extinguished
reduced to smoulder and ash
i blink to clear my sight
with ophthalmic sodium
as my medicine
i am cured...
P.S ophthalmic means.... to do with the eye, sodium is like salt...so its eye salt, (tears)
~jamo~
Copyright ©
infedelity_hurts
... [
2004-01-15 06:30:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: tears not time
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 15th January 2004 @ 06:42:08 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| perhaps you should take your own advice .. you have only made 9 comments and yet posted 20 poems |
|
|
Re: tears not time
(User Rating: 1 )
by infedelity_hurts on
Thursday, 15th January 2004 @ 06:51:05 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
thats because 80% of the stuff here ryhmes.. and its forced.. if i posted on what i read...then i would be constantly posting
stop ryhming or dont force it.. and the rest is cliche.. i am yet to find a poem that has touched me
and i am also a member of much superior site of which i am on much more
and show yourself if you are trying to be a smartass... you are a coward...
~jamo~ |
|
|
Re: tears not time
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Thursday, 15th January 2004 @ 07:16:48 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Geez, infedelity_hurts. I don't know who mr. anonymous was, but he really got under your skin. Fact is, nobody comments on every poem they read. I try to, but i'd rather READ as many as possible. Then there are times when I just can't find the words to sum up how I feel about a particular piece. I am not one to just give out generic comments, I prefer to say WHY I liked something. Why do you care so much? At least people read your poetry, right? I love to get comments too, but as long as I can get at least one read and/or one comment, then I feel like it was worth my while to post.
Another question: if you have found a web site that you feel is 'superior,' then why continue posting on this one? It's obvious that you don't like the poetry (or poets) on this site. I'm not trying to attack you in any way, but c'mon. (Just for the record, I think this is the BEST poetry site!).
Last thing: who says rhymes are forced? Was Shakespeare's poetry forced? Did Edgar Allan Poe force "The Raven?" Everybody has a style, and just because they don't write like you, it doesn't mean they 'suck' or 'force their work.' Open up your eyes, and open your mind while you're at it. Last thing we need is poets bashing one-another for no good reason. If you'd like, feel free to PM me. I'm really not trying to be a jerk.
Truly,
-V.S. |
|
|
Re: tears not time
(User Rating: 1 )
by sweetangeluk on
Thursday, 15th January 2004 @ 08:06:10 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
All i would like to say is
I loved your poem
Fantastic brilliant words
I really enjoyed
Thank you
Love Angelxxxx |
|
|
Re: tears not time
(User Rating: 1 )
by CrucifiedAndLeft2Die on
Thursday, 15th January 2004 @ 08:25:51 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Well I think this was a very good poem it rhymed and told a story without rambling... well done-- but i do think you should comment more yourself. |
|
|
Re: tears not time
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 15th January 2004 @ 01:42:00 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| i really like this. its obvious a lot of thought and emotion has gone into it. I have recently lost my soul mate, my best friend and lover of 3 years and i can relate to this, the pain and the tears. the only criticism i have is your repeat of the stanza starting "my heart is lacerated" you dont need it, its powerful enough already. but keep up the good work, I can really relate to your anger and pain. |
|
|
Re: tears not time
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cobalt on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 01:38:15 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
thats because 80% of the stuff here ryhmes.. and its forced.. if i posted on what i read...then i would be constantly posting
stop ryhming or dont force it.. and the rest is cliche.. i am yet to find a poem that has touched me
and i am also a member of much superior site of which i am on much more
and show yourself if you are trying to be a smartass... you are a coward...
~jamo~
I agree with anonymous. That still leaves 20% you could friggin' comment on. That's why you all need to stop whinning about people not commenting.
I think this was a good write but frankly it's getting old to whine and not comment yourself. |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
