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Here I go
Contributed by
bychristimsaved
on
Thursday, 15th January 2004 @ 10:50:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Here i go
I'm happy now
Isn't anyone going to join me in this wonderful feeling?
Here i go
I'm crying now
Isn't anyone going to lend me their shoulder or care about my pain?
Here i go
I'm screaming now
Isn't anyone going to stop me or attempt to calm me down?
Here i go
I'm leaving now
Isn't anyone gong to follow or offer a hand to bring me back?
Here i go
I'm out of your lives now
Isn't anyone going to look back and remember who i was?
Here i go
Here i stay
Except who I am for it should be enough
Copyright ©
bychristimsaved
... [
2004-01-15 22:50:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Here I go
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 16th January 2004 @ 01:03:01 AM AEST
(User
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a Message)
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I believe I understand the message of the poem, and it's a message I feel I can relate to. The difficulties I have with the message is in the structure of the poem.
Commenting on the structure, the "i" in "here i go" and the "I'm" in "I'm xxx-ing now" should be the same case, whether upper or lowercase. To me, the small i communicates a smallness of being, while the large I communicates a normal self esteem; combining the two cases of i in a poem like this leaves me confused as to the mood--the sense of self--the author is attempting to create.
In the same vein, the first three stanzas use verbs in the second line that convey emotion, and in the fourth stanza, the verb is a physical action verb. Then, in the fifth stanza the tense was changed from the present tense of the first four stanzas to a past tense verb, yet in the last stanza we're back to present tense. These changes also leave me confused as to the mood the author is creating. Is it now? Was it then? I'm not sure.
When I read this poem, I can hear some of what the author is saying, but the inconsistencies have left me not feeling what the author wanted me to feel--I'm not 100% sure what the author wanted me to feel. With some structural changes, as opposed to a change in message, this poem probably would have been awesome. I hope the author posts more soon--the message is interesting. Cleaning up the structure a bit would likely send the message with more of an emotional punch. |
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