|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Dead and Deceived
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 05:59:59 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Prowling the plains
Intense eyes pierce the dusk
Silent breathing in the shadows
Patiently the lion waits
The perfect prey in his cross hairs
Goal in pouncing distance
Running, racing swiftly
The scenery is a blur
Charging with unwavering focus
Bones crush under his jaws
Blood cascades upon the ground
Reaping the rewards of persistence
Then as night falls
He makes his way toward home
To feast with his kin
Suddenly come footsteps
Surrounding from every direction
Yellow eyes and mocking laughs
The horde of hyenas together
Converge upon his conquest
Attacking with rabid fervor
Outnumbered and beaten
Using every ounce of will to crawl
And escape the ruthless mauling
At last reaching home
To rest and lick his wounds
To live to the next hunt
But in disgrace having tried
Betrayed by his own pride
No one by his side
When he at last laid down and died
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2004-01-28 05:59:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 06:23:13 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Aaaghhh..what a fiery spirit was painted through thy poetic spirit..it is spell binding and breath taking....
a well designed master piece of poetic art.. keep them coming on my friend..venkat |
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by drgnreborn on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 08:03:20 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| You have made the point very well. You've shown that it doesn't matter what you've gone through: the end comes in giving up. |
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by deathdrop on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 08:08:53 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| your best is good enough for me... your writng i mean. the words are very well chosen! well done. i could never do better! |
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by MissLee on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 10:32:33 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Hey there, liked the picture this poem painted, keep up the good work, but dear, never worry about what anyone else thinks of you, it is more important of what you think of yourself, but just for the record, I think you're great! Hang in there! |
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 02:09:39 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Oh, Dan . . .
Beautiful, fantastic poem. Sometimes the lion limps home back to the pride, with those he loves-- for there ARE those who love him--and is saved. Sometimes . . . and if the lion just "laid down and died", he'd never know if the pride was waiting for him a little way off.
--Nora |
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 06:22:30 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Marvelous thought-provoking write Dan.....but if he dies......he will never know......don't give up there is another day.....and you never know who it is that will come your way!
Warm hugs
lovingcritters'
consue |
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 06:34:49 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hey Dan
Firstly might i comment that if your best just isnt good enough, then why did i send you that pm?? as far as im concerned you best is better than anythin and everything ive ever seen or rad so your best is by far good enough for me, and for everybody that cares for you and your writing.
As for the poem, what a poetic masterpeice!! such vivid imagery, everything about this write stirred inspiration from deep within, absolutely brilliant in every respect of the word
All the best my friend
Luke |
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 11:21:42 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Prolific, sad, beautiful with a deeper message.
You are very talented. Kie |
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by blueheart on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 11:54:32 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| No, I disagree. Your best is good enough for most of us. I loved the metaphors and symbols. The way you express yourself is excellent. Great write here. |
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eve on
Thursday, 29th January 2004 @ 05:03:15 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This is amazing.
Feh, you're fooling yourself thinking you're not good enough. And if someone says one bad thing about your poetry, the Eve will beat them down, tie them to the back of a car with their face in front of the exhaust pipe, and go over 100mph with them dragging on the ground. And when the gas runs out and the engine overheats, I'll leap out just in time to go get you to watch them blow up.
Does that help anything for you?
Keep writing or said method will be done to you,
-Eve. |
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Thursday, 29th January 2004 @ 05:09:26 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
*raises hand as though in school, looks around, realizes she's the only one doing so, and quickly drops hand in embarassment, hoping no one has seen*
I'll lend you the rope to tie 'em with, Eve.
Seriously, though, Dan . . . your best looks good enough to me. Hell, your "okay" looks just fine. Don't give up.
affectionately and with many many emoticons and CPDEs (remember those?),
Nora |
|
|
Re: Dead and Deceived
(User Rating: 1 )
by STRaNGe_LiNDSeY on
Tuesday, 30th March 2004 @ 04:01:43 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| again Dan, AMAZING! *sigh* |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
