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With This Ring
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 02:53:49 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Not born from sterling silver, nor even hewn from gold
Spun with flawless platinum, imbued with words untold
On my hand and on your hand, two links to form a chain
Symbolic of our passion, forever to remain
When you spoke those magic words, I cherished what you said
Never had I been so sure, I knew that we'd be wed
I recall that summer dusk we recognized our fate
Puzzle pieces joined at last, now one with my soulmate
The glimmering gem was placed, 'pon her delicate hand
Every bit of love I had, instilled within that band
A timeless kiss we did share, beneath a shady tree
When I gazed into your eyes, I felt sincerity
The loss still pains me deeply, a twist of fate unfair
How could anyone strike down a love without compare
A given promise broken, an ardent heart now cleaved
Shattered dreams lay in pieces, a soul of glass now reaved
Ring in hand I walk the pier, I hear the purling seas
They call out my very name, and conjure memories
Every wave brings up the thought, a loving heart now sere
Cried myself so empty now, I haven't left a tear
Stratus clouds swirled overhead, cast an ominous screen
Twilight catches the diamond, a radiance pristine
Facets of the stone reflect my relentless despond
Gemstone carved of pure discord, far stronger than our bond
One last gaze upon the ring, a silent pondering
All the love infused within, i'm left with but a sting
Thus the perfect band was cast, splashed with no commotion
Beneath the swirling waves of the aphotic ocean
Thus it sank as weighted lead, a graveyard in the sea
Drawn along with all my dreams, my love it's company
Left to rot beneath the blue, what anguish it did bring
All my hope and passion quelled, they have drowned with this ring
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2004-02-10 02:53:49]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dark_Angel on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 02:57:30 AM AEST
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how sad and beautiful.
I did the same thing with my wedding band when i caught my ex-husband cheating. it seemed to help somehow. |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 03:17:34 AM AEST
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| You have put so much work into this poem ... it shows in the excellent rhythm and rhyme ... but more than anything each line is filled with emotion and carries the reader through your joy in the beginning to your devastation in the end ... an excellent write ... Jan |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 03:17:41 AM AEST
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I once threw one out the window of my car.
Very good writing.
luv, huggs,
emy |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by Avarice_Riot on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 03:25:54 AM AEST
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| This is a true work of art and emotion....to call it amazing would be an understatement. |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 03:27:04 AM AEST
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this is a very sad write but very touching.. it leaves you with an eerie feeling.. awesome write!! its good to get your feelings out
Peace and hope
JENNA |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 03:29:24 AM AEST
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Beautiful. On the other hand, where'd you get this? I find it really disconcerting to even think you might have gone through such a terrible incident.
"Best wishes and lazy gales; A sailor's dream of full-blown sails."
~The Palatine Poet |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 04:18:25 AM AEST
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ohhhh poetic beauty here I also cast a ring into the ocean this is almost haunting to me at the end.
michelle |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by blueheart on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 04:27:48 AM AEST
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| Wow, what an awesome write. Truly brilliant. |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 05:28:05 AM AEST
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| I totally agree with the comments of Dream weaver..this a marvelous poem written with best talent and the best one which I read today..venkat |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by starlight_dancer on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 06:43:28 AM AEST
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| That's so beautiful. I really hope things work out for you Dan... you know I really want them too. Maybe soon, you'll find you're new soul mate ;-) |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by 13Hopes on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 08:38:49 AM AEST
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To find a word that describes such a wonderfull poem, comming from such heart felt pain...I dont know one.. Sensational write...
Cheers,
#13 |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 10:49:36 AM AEST
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| much appreciated. |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 12:32:20 PM AEST
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| I always cry when I read your poetry. I hope this brings you the closure you deserve. A beautiful, emotional piece. Kie |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by Putteragain on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 01:57:29 PM AEST
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Let me jump on the band wagon ofc great reviews what an incredible write raw emotions on like three diferent levels what more can i say
(i hocked mine for like twenty bucks they were worth about 500 wish i had written a poem lol)
lots a love
michelle |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Tuesday, 10th February 2004 @ 10:19:58 PM AEST
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A thousand words I could waste here, bubbling about the magnificence of this piece. I could write a page about the description, the imagery, the beauty, everything; people would read it and look down their nose at me at for sullying this with the opinion of one whose inferiority as a poet is brought into harsh relief next to this. You've outdone yourself, Dan-- this may actually replace "The Poet" as my favorite of yours, and you know how much that means. In this, everything I loved and love about your poetry-- the terms you use, the images portrayed, the poignancy-- is at its best, and everything I think kind of detracts from your poetry-- we've spoken on this; you know what I mean --has dwindled. This came purely from the heart and it shows.
I am, to put it mildly, VERY impressed. Would you ever consider submitting this for publishing?
with affection, goo, CPDEs, sap, CEGHs, IMs, chocolate, and, of course, aardvarks,
Nora |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Thursday, 12th February 2004 @ 06:08:48 AM AEST
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...dan.. this is a masterpiece...
.. i love this with a passion, this has by far become my favorite write by you, no wait.. by anyone
The structure flows like water in a deep blue stream
The rhyme leave me without words to express how perfect it is
This is a masterpiece of time that will never be forgotten it truely is
'Thus the perfect band was cast, splashed with no commotion
Beneath the swirling waves of the aphotic ocean' - timeless absolutely timeless..
Great write dan
Luke |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Tuesday, 17th February 2004 @ 08:35:29 AM AEST
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| an exquisite honey of a poem:) hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by tatortot on
Friday, 20th February 2004 @ 06:28:17 PM AEST
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its awesome, i really like it.
tatortot |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Friday, 5th March 2004 @ 09:30:53 AM AEST
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Hey again
I just had to read this again i have a million times over, its just .. perfect lol everything i ever want to see and be in a poet i see in you dan i really do.
Luke
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by STRaNGe_LiNDSeY on
Saturday, 27th March 2004 @ 03:04:27 PM AEST
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| No words could describe the magnitude of this write, except... THaNK You! :-D |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Tuesday, 30th March 2004 @ 12:00:41 PM AEST
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Heartbreaking. A symphony culminating in a moment and then ending not with a symbol clang, but with a whisper. Lovely.
Stitch |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by PoeticReign on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 03:05:03 AM AEST
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wow, dan.... i don't know what to say. I'm in tears. i'm speechless. this poem is so amazingly written and so amazingly heart-wrenching. i'm in awe of your talent to write so beautifully about something so tragic.
i can't wait to read more of your stuff...
~N |
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Re: With This Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by MilitaryPrince on
Saturday, 5th June 2004 @ 06:11:09 AM AEST
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| Once again I am amazed, this is only the second piece of yours i have read and I feel like I should submit all of my poems now to a 1rst grade english class, You portray so many heart felt emotions and do it so eloquently! An amazing deep profound sad well thought out write!...a true masterpiece. |
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