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Terminal
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Sunday, 7th March 2004 @ 07:22:35 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Where once things harmoniously thrived
Love and balance had always survived
It seemed to make sense
When one day the outsider arrived
Not knowing the pain that would be contrived
Enter the pestilence
A drifter, whom ill fate will follow
An enigma, a stare so hollow
Bringer of the virus
Misery in which they will wallow
Hate and disease which they will swallow
The rising of Osiris
The perfect circle broken
Before a word was spoken
What was near perfection
Now incubates the infection
The circle lies in fragments
Breath in the air that's stagnate
Break up the iridescence
Afflicted with his presence
Seeming unbothered by all the stares
Knowing they can't pass the mask he wears
Motives are protected
A stranger, no one knows if he cares
The carrier, a needle he prepares
Melancholy injected
The perfect circle broken
Before a word was spoken
What was near perfection
Now incubates the infection
The circle lies in fragments
Breath in the air that's stagnate
Break up the iridescence
Afflicted with his presence
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2004-03-07 07:22:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Terminal
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 7th March 2004 @ 11:06:22 AM AEST
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I can empathise, yes. Yet I can't seem to agree with your assertion that this isn't a 'good poem', by your, or anyone's standards. Your analogy of the perfect circle is very resonant . . .
"Motives are protected / Melancholy injected"
I really like that.
By all means, a good poem. ;o)
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Re: Terminal
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Sunday, 7th March 2004 @ 12:44:25 PM AEST
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I dont think you have it in you to write a "bad"
poem my friend. Some people write with a golden pen and you are one of them.
Very well done
Larry |
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Re: Terminal
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Sunday, 7th March 2004 @ 03:43:51 PM AEST
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| This was a very deep poem. I read it a couple of times to get the feel for it before commenting. I liked it and of course it was written well. I also relate to some of the things you said in the poem. Another excellent write. Kie |
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Re: Terminal
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cynthia on
Sunday, 7th March 2004 @ 11:58:16 PM AEST
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| What's wrong with this? Absolutely nothing. I loved it. *S* Cynthia |
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Re: Terminal
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Monday, 8th March 2004 @ 04:05:34 AM AEST
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| Expressing your emotions is never unworthy - a strong write ... an insight into your thoughts on feeling like an outsider (somehow I relate to that) - your words much deeper than the usual write ... I believe, in my humble opinion, being an outsider who breaks in on the "circle" should be considered ... not as a "virus", but more as an "intelligent interruption" ... just my thoughts on the subject ... *grins* Jan |
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Re: Terminal
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Monday, 15th March 2004 @ 01:08:02 PM AEST
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A bad write this is not my friend, emotion fuelled writes are never bad, this is far from that word, infact it is an oblivion and a half further away from that word than good, such strong emotions, and so well put together that even the greatest of wordsmiths would fall to their knees at your creation, a true joy to read, if not sounding familiar with my own feelings either way something that will linger within this complex thing i call a mind for weeks nay years my friend
The darkest of perfection drifts within the shadows of your pen dan, and you talent is the light that creates them
Luke |
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Re: Terminal
(User Rating: 1 )
by STRaNGe_LiNDSeY on
Saturday, 27th March 2004 @ 02:41:33 PM AEST
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| I dont think you are capable of writing anything that isnt "good"... and good is even the wrong word. What i have read up into now has left me breathless and astonished. You have so much talent. I bow down to the King. ;) Much love of this and everything else. Thank you for sharing it with us. |
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