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Enter Thru
Contributed by
morelikelyrics
on
Wednesday, 10th March 2004 @ 07:33:43 PM in AEST
Topic:
InspirationalPoems
|
Spotlight window leaking light,
Lamp switch leaving this night,
Dirty clothes that crowd the floor,
It's cold outside,
Enter thru the main back door.
Alarm clock ringing loud,
Up to fight the traffic, busy crowd,
Day by day, we live routine,
It's cloudy outside,
Enter thru this daily scene.
Car wheels squeaking sigh's,
Dashboard warnings blinking signs,
Winshield wipers leaving marks,
It's raining outside,
Enter thru the East Lot Park.
'Cause
outside is where my life belongs,
Beyond the woods of endless wrongs,
Over the hills of senselesss being,
'Till I reach those green fields I see,
My own, My Life, this destiny...
Simple tragedies are the crime,
Ordinary plans end this life,
And, all and all it's time to go,
Where the green fields show...
Causual closet life will die,
Plain white lights will fade,
'Cause I'm taking over this life,
No more time for being late,
It's Bright outside,
Enter thru these Heaven's gates...
Outside is where I'll be,
In the light, it's me you'll see,
Head on out, it's time to go
It's Sunny outside
Enter thru my heart's love...
Copyright ©
morelikelyrics
... [
2004-03-10 19:33:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Enter Thru
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Sunday, 4th April 2004 @ 04:07:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Hmm.... In my opinions as a poem these lines have a problem of sorts... the message herein somewhat inspirational and uplifting but the stylings of the lines are more suited for an outbusrt or angry poetry...the lines are sort of boken up in shots of syllables... it could do with a bit of a "smoothing" of sorts, rearranged into a more rythmic lyrical cadence. BUT as a song these lines would be great I can imagine in my head a western tune perhaps with a gentle guitar melodic piece for the lines and a thundering strum when you sing Enter thru....etc..... and the chorus would be these lines:
'Cause
''outside is where my life belongs,
Beyond the woods of endless wrongs,
Over the hills of senselesss being,
'Till I reach those green fields I see,
My own, My Life, this destiny...
Simple tragedies are the crime,
Ordinary plans end this life,
And, all and all it's time to go,
Where the green fields show..."
sung to a faster guitar tempo.... they would be a nice song indeed. Anyway these are my opinions.... my stylings... to you perhaps your own...nice work. |
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Re: Enter Thru
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 4th April 2004 @ 09:49:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| its no wonder you dont get comments. you have 29 poems posted and just made 6 comments yet you ask for comments on the forum. come on, start commenting and maybe more people will comment on your work. just an observation. |
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Re: Enter Thru
(User Rating: 1 )
by morelikelyrics on
Sunday, 4th April 2004 @ 10:18:03 PM AEST
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| yeh i understand, I like many people struggle to do so, I will try to get going on my comments.... |
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Re: Enter Thru
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 4th April 2004 @ 10:25:02 PM AEST
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I just want to say morelikeltrics that this is a VERY good write, song wise or poetry wise... both ways its marvelous. Now as for the shameless self promotion, many of us have wanted to do so but only you have had the BALLS! ecuse my language, lol. Thank you for directing me to this wonderful piece. Thank you
Lindsey (strange_lindsey)
Now keeping with the trend, "i'll read yours if you'll read mine"... if you get a chance i'd love a comment or two. ;) |
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Re: Enter Thru
(User Rating: 1 )
by alecfernadez on
Monday, 5th April 2004 @ 10:22:21 AM AEST
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This is a great poem, well written, and good use of slang wording to make the flow a bit faster on the eye ('thru')
I can understand about your commenting problem, some artists find it hard to keep up the comment to poetry ratio, when they have many ideas flowing out the sides of their heads. ANyway as I said b4 great write, keep up the gd work, and keep self promoting, without self promotion you wont get anywhere in life, I mean, I made an entire website devoted to me...
hehe
Mzzl, Peace n' Respect |
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