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Façade
Contributed by
spider
on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 03:39:32 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Promises that can't be met,
Vows and oaths that can't be kept.
hollow looks and Shallow souls.
Empty words and hearts left cold.
Narrow minded, corporate shells,
All stuck in our mindless hell.
Monotonous lives, are droning on
All slaves to plastic, pretend, icons.
Role models young, seductive, temptress
Teaching us only to be slutty and pretentious
Love's superficial, only for show.
It's hard to determine who's friend and who's foe
There's one escape and only one
And then the show will be over and done.
Copyright ©
spider
... [
2004-03-11 15:39:32]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Façade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Remy on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 03:42:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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hint - change nothing! no really... love how you schemed this thing together, great writing! ;0)
~Remy~ |
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Re: Façade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 04:45:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Not crazy about the use of the word "slutty." Not because it's that word, it just doesn't seem to quite fit there. I can't think of anything better, but I think there must be something. There's lots of great rhyme, and the concept is excellent, but the ending is a bit of a letdown. I thought maybe your were building up to something more.
Stitch |
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Re: Façade
(User Rating: 1 )
by kidpoet_213 on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 05:56:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is just me and my own opinion... try using the title in there somewhere like at the end... make the last line some thing like .... life is just a facade these days ... something like that ... I dunno
A good write though...
~Donna~ |
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