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Forever I Wonder
Contributed by
TwEeK
on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 08:10:07 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
Forever I Wonder,
Through time and space,
Forever I Ponder,
Thinking
What would life be like without me,
what about friends?
Would anyone notice or see,
what would happen to my family?
What would the world be like without me
Forever I Wonder,
Through and through my mind,
Forever I Ponder,
Back and forth,
and then I think of you,
What am I really worth,
and you the one i love will keep me here,
My ever lasting love......
Forever I Wonder,
Thinking of you,
Forever I Ponder,
Are you ment for me?
Copyright ©
TwEeK
... [
2004-03-11 20:10:07]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Forever I Wonder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Magnolia on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 08:21:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| congrats on the loss of your poetry virginity. now, here is my hopefully helpful criticism: your work seems to have a fairly decent flow, but i find poetry to be the best when it comes from your own language. do you really speak the way you write? "forever i wonder, forever i ponder," etc. i think that in order to give your poetry some individuality, add some personality into it. make us see who you are, how you speak, how you think. also, i don't see a stable theme to the poem. are you wondering about what your family would be like without you or are you wondering if your love is the one for you? i'm not saying that your poem has to be completely stable and solid, because that'll end up boring. just be yourself in your writing and your poetry will be perfect. |
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Re: Forever I Wonder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 09:05:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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No, it does not stink! Actually it is very good for a first poem. I agree with Magnolia in that you should be in your own tongue. Don't believe you have to be Shakesphere or Frost or anybody but you. Speak 'you' and it will have more meaning to you and to the public viewing your work because it will come across as more true and honest. Poetry comes from the heart and soul and should portray those very insights into us. Good work.
Rita |
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Re: Forever I Wonder
(User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 09:36:52 PM AEST
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| Nah. It ain't bad. I mean ya know, its not religious. Heh heh. Anyway, I liked it. I don't necessarily agree with the two above. I do write how I talk - I never thought about it though. But I think someone should write the way they enjoy writing. If you find it funner to make poetry in this way, then go for it. |
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Re: Forever I Wonder
(User Rating: 1 )
by New_York_Chick on
Saturday, 13th March 2004 @ 01:30:15 PM AEST
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| very good for ur first poem and it definetely does not stink =] |
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