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Man's Hands
Contributed by
Levi
on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 08:15:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
What is life that man so mourns its loss
What is death that man so fears its coming
To know that one is fated, never to meet again
Never seems so hard as when death has come and gone
It was in the belly of a best that she died
It was in the heart of monstrosity she suffered
And yet it is not her pain nor her life that we morn
It is our loss, our pain, and our lives
Man made the beast, man made it die
Man placed her in the seat of its belly as she drove
Man toppled it into a ditch, man left her unprotected
And we morn not for her but our own selfish wishes
What is life that man so mourns its loss
What is death that man so fears its coming
To know that one is fated, never to meet again
Never seems so hard as when death has come and gone
By mans hands
Copyright ©
Levi
... [
2004-03-11 20:15:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Man's Hands
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 08:42:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is interesting. I like how you brought out our own selfishness over mourning another. My only criticism would be to polish a little more before you post. Go over your spelling and be sure you have chosen only the words you need. Almost always you can trim and say more with less.
Stitch |
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Re: Man's Hands
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 08:43:49 PM AEST
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I think it is our pain over the loss of them that we suffer from. They are in a much better place than we. Life can be unkind but every bump, no matter how hard it is, does make us stronger in the long run. I think for your first work you did well. I would suggest checking spelling better. Read it outloud to yourself and proof at least 4 times before posting. We all make mistakes, but need to do our best to keep our readers attention from being distracted by misspellings. Keep working, you did fine.
Rita |
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Re: Man's Hands
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 08:53:29 PM AEST
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| i think this is beautiful, and im very sorry for your loss, you have used an excellent expression of feelings, so very heartfelt, keep writing, i look forward to your next post, warm welcome to ypdc:) hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Man's Hands
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Thursday, 11th March 2004 @ 09:23:20 PM AEST
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Welcome to your-poetry.com....the best poetry site on the net....
I think you did a wonderful job here. I loved how you wrote this...
Jenni |
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