|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Swansong
Contributed by
ShadowDaughter
on
Saturday, 20th March 2004 @ 03:23:38 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
sang my swansong alone
to the stars up above
and noticed only
how far they were away.
stardust, I was
but with "dust" the key word
and the warmth of their shine
just served to remind
how cold it was
how cold I was
--how far from the stars I had fallen--
and I felt more
part of "dust" than of "star".
for with stardom was denied,
stardust perfection
could be, at its height,
second best.
wrenched my thoughts
away from the skies
and sang my swansong
best as I could . . .
(lose yourself in macabre melodies
lose yourself in that suicide song)
but ever pervasive,
it entered my mind
that I was the twist to the tale
that poor ugly cygnet,
and surely enough,
I was ever a duck in the end.
pewter, indeed,
but I yearned to be silver--
a candle with bonfire dreams.
and striving to be
the best pewter you can,
when silver glints just up ahead,
can make for gray skies
can make for gray smiles.
dreams of second place can make,
at best,
for dreams come true--
(the irony could make you cry)
every last one of them nightmares
and razorblade-type pinches
will stop waking you after a while.
draconian aspirations
but a dragonfly, only, at heart--
tongues of dragonfire
warmed the air
and next to that, I'd never see,
any iridescence, any glimmer,
within my dragonfly wings.
with effort,
drew my concentration
back to that mellifluous song
(it's only sung the once, you know)
and it's surprising how melodic
dying breaths can make a song--
ephemeral, ethereal,
above all, so rhapsodic--
wondered to myself,
have I done something right?
--tried to smile--
and finally died.
Copyright ©
ShadowDaughter
... [
2004-03-20 15:23:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by Necromant on
Saturday, 20th March 2004 @ 03:34:11 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
What a stunning poem! And a tragic one as well. I really enjoyed reading it! Amazing write!
Anne :D |
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Saturday, 20th March 2004 @ 04:26:20 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Haunting and alluring...the beauty of your poem tugs at my heartstrings...I can just imagine the singing of that dying swan...or creature...nice ending too...a glimmer of heaven perhaps? but alas there lies too that finger of regret within interred. When I think of that one last song...I see only regrets...but perhaps this is just me...I see for my own swan song miles and miles of regret...enough of that...a very touching work here....it really made me think.. and ache inside the confines of my heart. |
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by MoonlitAngel on
Saturday, 20th March 2004 @ 07:53:27 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Very interesting. I love this part
(lose yourself in macabre melodies
lose yourself in that suicide song)
but ever pervasive,
it entered my mind
that I was the twist to the tale
that poor ugly cygnet,
and surely enough,
I was ever a duck in the end.
Very interesting write indeed. I think it's a liiiiiiittle on the wordy side, it kind of corrupts the flow, but overall, very powerful write. Great job!
~ Dee |
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Sunday, 21st March 2004 @ 06:36:19 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
"pewter, indeed,
but I yearned to be silver--
a candle with bonfire dreams."
That part hit me really, really hard. I could hardly finish reading the poem...my eyes were too blurry to see the screen. If I could count how many times I have felt this way in my lifetime...
Nora, this is more beautiful, somber, and incredible than my mere words can do justice to. At points gorgeous, at others heartwrenching, this is a sinuous rollercoaster ride all the way. You've crafted a genuine masterpiece, in every sense of the word, and this is as good as it gets. From the first word to the heartbreak at the end, I absolutely loved this piece all the way through.
Truly, sincerely, emotionally,
-Dan
|
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Sunday, 21st March 2004 @ 07:12:01 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I have to agree with Dan here. That line "A candle with bonfire dreams" took the top of my head off. It's beautiful.
Need I say more?
"White skies and dreamless dreams; Worlds torn between the seams."
~The Palatine Poet |
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 26th March 2004 @ 05:02:28 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Excellent! Actually refreshing in it's complexity. And I like the longer words. I cannot see that they detract from the poem at all.
Keep it up!
Andrew |
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by lil_angel on
Saturday, 27th March 2004 @ 02:55:22 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I found it! Great job with this write! |
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jellybellyprincess on
Thursday, 1st April 2004 @ 07:29:24 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
"The old woman behind the pink curtains
and the closed door
on the first floor.
She's listening through the air shaft
to see how long our swan song can last."
--- "Both Hands" by Ani DiFranco
Just reminded me of a song, that's all =)
Exquisite peice Nora.
God bless,
Ellen |
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cobalt on
Thursday, 1st April 2004 @ 10:55:33 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I love the wording on this one.
It was done very well. Masterful ye be with words.
Nice. Very nice. |
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by STRaNGe_LiNDSeY on
Saturday, 3rd April 2004 @ 07:36:00 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow... just wow...
Lindsey |
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eve on
Monday, 5th April 2004 @ 07:42:40 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
After reading "Melted Popsicles and the 'Long Long Ago's", this just had me gaping. The concepts you come up with are stunning.
And I couldn't help but wonder- have you read the book "The Same Stuff as Stars"? I can't recall the author at the moment (I know, bad, bad Eve), but you'd know what book I speak of.
Once more, I commend you. And yeah, you can have my pen if I can have your brain. =D
Keep writing,
-Eve. |
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Tuesday, 13th April 2004 @ 03:50:29 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
hauntingly beautiful, a well written, excellent poem:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->- |
|
|
Re: Swansong
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cynthia on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 10:13:29 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Oh how nice. You have outdone yourself with this write. I don't have the words to explain what I feel about this write..... Amazing. *S* Cynthia |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
