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Bones in a Barrel
Contributed by
dead_beauty
on
Sunday, 21st March 2004 @ 10:20:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
drugabuse
|
BONES IN A BARREL
I slip out of my bones every night
and throw them in a barrel by my bed
to marinate in emptiness.
I slip out of my consciousness
every time I have to listen to that woman
who updates everyone on flowers
recently planted in her garden.
And I ask her if I can come over
and collect any dead petals
for an upcoming spell I'm planning
and she gives me the strangest look.
I lean down, close my eyes
and direct the storm right through the tunnel.
And I wait for disaster...
dying never felt so fabulous.
And I dance boneless and loveless
in the night.
For every bone, there was a lover
but now I'm stripped to this lousy costume.
Morning robs the sky
and I can feel there are
so many things missing.
But my bones are the least of my worries.
And I wonder how often
that woman wishes those flowers
could love her back.
By Casey R. Kiser
Copyright ©
dead_beauty
... [
2004-03-21 22:20:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Bones in a Barrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by poetrygodslove on
Sunday, 21st March 2004 @ 10:34:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| what a poem. about your feelings and emotions and your life. a life that you feel you have to experience this type of life. I know the one that can give you life everlasting. one who can show you a brighter tomorrow and enrich your days. one that can fulfill and not destroy. JESUS ... sandy |
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Re: Bones in a Barrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaavys on
Sunday, 21st March 2004 @ 10:50:39 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I, I , I, I gave you a five but I submit to you that you will do better if you forget the I. It is a very good poem. |
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Re: Bones in a Barrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 22nd March 2004 @ 12:50:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
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The poem is great, the subject is horrendous and I can only hope this is not your life really. I agree about the 'I's Your beginning the sentence 'I's are fine, but the ones inside the stanzas need to be deleted. Sometimes less is more! Otherwise, a great write.
Rita |
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Re: Bones in a Barrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by dead_beauty on
Monday, 22nd March 2004 @ 01:47:41 AM AEST
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| Thankyou very much for all your comments! The repetition was indeed intentional but I welcome your opinions! But I do believe that a true poet writes whatever they want (sometimes, breaking the rules) and doesn't go back and change their work based on a few opinions. Thanks for reading! :):) |
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Re: Bones in a Barrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by geoffreyalanbest on
Monday, 22nd March 2004 @ 01:52:11 AM AEST
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| In my opinion the I's give a uniform to the poem. Keep them as they are you |
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Re: Bones in a Barrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Monday, 22nd March 2004 @ 07:39:19 PM AEST
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| this is an exceptional poem, and very true, your poetry is refreshing, vibrant and alive, i look forward to more from you soon:) hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Bones in a Barrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by PumpkinPie on
Monday, 22nd March 2004 @ 07:54:32 PM AEST
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Like Nessa,I love the way you write your poetry,it's a little different and that's what makes it so damn good!
PumpkinPie-xox- |
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Re: Bones in a Barrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by TeenageEmoGirl on
Tuesday, 30th March 2004 @ 01:14:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| you did something greaet, because you were able to make something so beautiful out of something so ugly... |
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Re: Bones in a Barrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cynthia on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 05:04:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I think this poem is great just the way it is. Excellent work. *S* Cynthia |
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