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tulia
Contributed by
zeppchic420
on
Monday, 5th April 2004 @ 07:26:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
no one notices the sadness beneath the smile on my face
im drowning in a sea of familiarity,
the same ol' same ol' is is getting really old
i have no one here,
and no one chooses to have me here, either
im so alone its pathetic
tears are getting too tedious and ears are becoming scarce
im drowning in a sea of familiarity
Copyright ©
zeppchic420
... [
2004-04-05 19:26:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: tulia
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 5th April 2004 @ 09:30:28 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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This is a good poem. With the "craphole town" thought filled out a bit more, I think it could be great poem
With a from the author line of "i live in a craphole town where the only things different about everyone are their names," I was expecting more of a description of the town and people. With such a line, I want to know more about why they suck, and then want to know the author's feelings directly related to that "why." This poem successfully tells me how the author feels inside, and successfully informed me that the author feels their town sucks. What wasn't so clear is the connection between the two, however.
The author writes well and lucidly. I hope the author uses that skill and writes a lengthier version of this poem--It could take this good poem and make it great; the author definitely piqued my interest. Hell, I reeeeealy want to know more about this town!!! |
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