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cannot think of a title (please help)
Contributed by
little_genna
on
Thursday, 8th April 2004 @ 03:29:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Alone in this world.
Yet with so many around me,
Can’t quite reach them.
As if there was a glass box around me.
All I want is to feel the warmth of a hug,
The tenderness of a single kiss.
I cannot deny I have felt these things,
Although I feel cut off from this world,
No longer to feel these blissful pleasures.
I can hear you all scream and shout with happiness,
Yet I feel out of place, as if I’m not there with you.
Yes you include me but do you really,
Notice when I’m not here?
All alone in the world, with a glass box!
A teddy bear as my only comfort!
If only I could see your smile once more,
Directed at just me, no one else.
That would be such a joy for me!
If only,
If only you,
If only you were,
If only you were here,
If only you were here with,
If only…
Copyright ©
little_genna
... [
2004-04-08 15:29:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: cannot think of a title (please help)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Justalady on
Thursday, 8th April 2004 @ 03:39:09 PM AEST
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| Gee, heartfelt writing. I think it's wonderful. As for a title, well..... The glass box is the key and I keep thinking, "If You Could Clearly See." Anyway, I like it and I'm sure you'll think of something very soon. Justalady |
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Re: cannot think of a title (please help)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jellybellyprincess on
Thursday, 8th April 2004 @ 03:49:07 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A really nice write. I think the ending is genius.
It's a very well done ending.
One thing I might suggest would be to take out the exclamation points (could make for a more abrupt reading....)
But yeah, I enjoyed reading this.
I'm at a loss for titles (GOOD titles atleast lol)
But maybe...... Among the Crowd? (I could sense there was a crowd involved) or Longing Hidden in the Crowd.... or Hidden Longing.....
Ack, those aren't too good. But, it's your call ; )
Well done write.
God bless,
Ellen |
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Re: cannot think of a title (please help)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rhei76 on
Saturday, 10th April 2004 @ 04:27:40 PM AEST
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beautifully written.
And I'm sorry we're not smarter.
as for your words I like
"With My Teddy Bear"
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Re: cannot think of a title (please help)
(User Rating: 1 )
by dolly_dagger on
Monday, 12th April 2004 @ 06:00:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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titles: 'zoo', 'glass box' or 'cut' or the other ideas are cool
xxxx |
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