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Observing The Nature
Contributed by
New_York_Chick
on
Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 06:52:48 PM in AEST
Topic:
Haiku
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*******.:~:.*******
Lovely Bright Day
Blue Shadows Observing
Nature Admiring
*******.:~:.*******
Whisper To The Trees
Two Worlds Come Together
Enjoy The Weather
*******.:~:.*******
Copyright ©
New_York_Chick
... [
2004-04-20 18:52:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Observing The Nature
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 07:03:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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beautiful!!! hugs n' love nessa
@->>->- |
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Re: Observing The Nature
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 07:14:32 PM AEST
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I know absolutely nothing about Haiku but I thought your poem was lovely.
Kie |
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Re: Observing The Nature
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 08:25:46 PM AEST
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Both have lovely imagery..which is great to Haiku..
I will pm you with a hint or two...
Jenni |
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Re: Observing The Nature
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 21st April 2004 @ 12:13:40 AM AEST
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Beautiful thoughts. Keep in mind and watch carefully because I have made the same mistakes. 5-7-5 is the rule and depending on local dialect can be counted wrong. The first is incorrect, but beautiful. The second is perfect as far as I can tell, or at least from my Texas dialect.
Rita |
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Re: Observing The Nature
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 21st April 2004 @ 12:46:46 AM AEST
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i'm impressed! 5 stars for you!
wildej. |
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Re: Observing The Nature
(User Rating: 1 )
by eternallyloved on
Wednesday, 21st April 2004 @ 01:13:19 AM AEST
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Great Job. Be careful though, rita is right. u should try and keep it 575. U can count the
sylables sometimes by clapping consecutively
as you say the line. The amount of claps is
the sylables. Or at least thats how i do it.
on the first im counting 466, on the second
im counting 565. So you are very close.
Great content though. Impressive.
Keep up the good work.
God Bless,
~Shayna |
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Re: Observing The Nature
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cynthia on
Wednesday, 21st April 2004 @ 10:10:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I loved both of them. Excellent job. *S* Cynthia |
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