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melody of thieves
Contributed by
crimsondream
on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 12:42:11 AM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
screaming
dreaming
fighting
biting
kicking
licking
hitting
sitting
lying
crying
writing
sighting
slicing
dicing
sighing
dying
just to make you
***** ing happy
Copyright ©
crimsondream
... [
2004-04-27 00:42:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: melody of thieves
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 04:10:07 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Strange one, this. I'm not sure quite what to make of it. The flow is very erratic. You move from kicking to licking to hitting - I would have put licking before biting, in my opinion, as well as reversing the order of sighting (sighing?) and writing - it would make the poem read more consistently, into a progression of events or actions.
Say, you were liking something, then you bit it, attacked it . . . then sat for a rest, then lay down and cried, sighing (or sighting your muse). wrote it down, edited it to kill the thoughtstream, for I, the reader to be happy.
Just my interpretation. I guess you like it the way it is, though. Anyway - its unusual in its two-syllable approach. A notable poem. |
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