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My Scrapbook Of Memories
Contributed by
kidpoet_213
on
Thursday, 29th April 2004 @ 01:05:29 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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Listening to the waves slap at the shore of my mind...
Thoughts and emotions are riding high... on the waves of the wind driven tide...
Sweeping the pain and suffering aside...
If only for a little while...
Only to return again in time...
I sit here... leafing through the yellowed pages of my patchworked life...
Held within my scrapbook of memories...
I've been through so much... I think...
I wonder how I've survived through all the trauma and pain
I was born one cold February evening...
Oh... how my mother was heaving...
To make my grand entrance into this world...
The doctor used forceps to extract me...
I was a nine pound... thirteen ounce baby
Being delievered from a woman... who hadn't had a child in almost nine years...
What an eventful evening that was...
Then... when I was six weeks old...
I was sitting upon my sister's lap...
Everybody thought I was taking a nap...
Actually... I was staring into the big mirror
That over the fireplace hung...
I turned blue... 'cause I couldn't get any air into my lungs
The doctors never figured out what the problem was...
But I'm still here... 37 years later to tell tale...
Then... when I was about nine or ten...
I became a child with innocents lost...
I should have stopped it...
Could have...
I should have spoken up...
But didn't it...
It would have saved a lot of pain and sorrow...
For the children of tomorrow...
But as a child... I was afraid of what would happen...
Now I carry a great guilt inside...
That constantly bears upon my mind
Then... in the tenth grade...
My life was treading on a double edged blade...
I got so depressed... so despondent... you see...
I don't really know what happened to me...
Before I knew it... I was wanting out...
'Cause life seemed to hold no meaning anymore...
Low self- esteem really took it's toll...
Thoughts of suicide gained control...
But it was something... I couldn't bring myself to do...
Aren't you glad... I wouldn't be here writing to you....
Then... there was the day...
My world turned upside down... inside out...
The day I lost "my best friend"
She was all the world to me...
She was my dear... sweet mommy
I was here alone with her when she died...
No one has any idea of what it's like...
How helpless it feels... to hear someone take their last breath...
That last gasp breathed as it escapes their lips
When life is no more... gone forever... but not forgotten...
I've always held a terrible guilt...
I felt as though everyone blamed me...
I know this is not true...
I know there was nothing I could do...
I just can't seem to forgive myself...
Why? I don't know...
An important event... took place that very next week...
Easter Sunday of '88... I started going to church... I'm proud to say...
The following August of that year... I was baptized into the family of God...
Then... two years ago...
We almost lost dad... to the very same thing as mom died of...
A little bit more and we would have...
But the thing in this scrapbook... that tops it all...
Is the one thing that can still be carried out..
Two years ago... my life was threatened...
Two years ago... I could have died... but didn't...
Two years ago... was a year of Hell for me...
That's been never ending...
Assulted... shoved to the ground...
Sat on... with my head held down...
And asked in the evilest of voice... that I've ever heard..
It hissed at me these words...
"What are you gonna do now... b****?"
Well... he soon found out...
Threatened my life... my family guns for yours...
He was supposed family...
A cousin so distant... we claim him not...
Stayed for two and a half months...
All the while... we had the knowledge...
That in the early '80's... his wife he'd shot... in cold blood...
Got off with an insanity plea...
Got out of prison to roam scott free
Roamed down Florida way...
Then back up to Georgia for an extended stay...
Got ten years for assulting and holding a woman against her will
They should have kept him...
Then he wouldn't have put me through this hell...
But back up here he came... headed straight to us...
Where he stayed awhile... then made a big fuss...
Threatened my life... but never to my face...
Don't know where he's at now...
And frankly don't give a ****...
As long as he stays away from me...
I already live in constant fear...
I've gotten over the initial nightmares...
I try and hide it... burying it deep inside...
But sometimes... it surfaces to haunt me again...
Will it ever end?
Now you've had a peek into my life...
Into the guilt I carry deep inside...
It's like a silent voice... wanting to scream out to the unsuspecting world...
"This is the life... I've suffered in silence...
Crying my tears of shame... now it's time you learn the truth... I'm not the innocent person you thought you knew!"
Alone I cry these tears and suffer through my world of pain...
As I hide in my world of loneliness... nobody sees these things take place
Or the guilt that has seized my life and beats on me...
Welcome to my world... trapped with in the pages of my scrapbook of memories...
Copyright ©
kidpoet_213
... [
2004-04-29 01:05:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Scrapbook Of Memories
(User Rating: 1 )
by kidpoet_213 on
Thursday, 29th April 2004 @ 01:13:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Hey everyone....
I don't usually do this... but I'll make an exception...
This comment is directed to Emy Star...
Yo momma...
U once said my life would make a great novel...
well how about a lengthy poem instead? I got the idea fora poem with this title... and it grew wings and took off from there.
Yo daughter...
~Donna~
Hope all of u enjoyed it... it's kinda autobiographical... it's just my life... whata life it's been thus far... can't wait for the 2nd half...LOL
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Re: My Scrapbook Of Memories
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Thursday, 29th April 2004 @ 02:00:06 AM AEST
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thanks for sharing this with us its hard to let go and be so open with people.... I think no differently of you I admire you more for the strength and courage that you hold. These sorts of tragedies in our lives can either stop us dead in our tracks or move us on to a better place and make us stronger you have done that.
Michelle |
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Re: My Scrapbook Of Memories
(User Rating: 1 )
by kalika_vidya on
Thursday, 29th April 2004 @ 02:21:18 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Good work..K |
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Re: My Scrapbook Of Memories
(User Rating: 1 )
by diamond_tears on
Sunday, 2nd May 2004 @ 04:37:10 PM AEST
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fantastic poem. must have taken a lot of courage to write it. proud of you take care xxxxxxxxxxx
ps. message me whenever. jo |
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