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Love Sick
Contributed by
JennyFruFru
on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 08:13:43 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
There's something in the air today
for what I can't explain
I feel a little sick inside
my stomach you could say
The world seems so much fuller
The grass a different green
The sky is getting bluer
Is it only happening to me?
I want to frollick freely
There's a little girl inside
She sings me happy melodies of birds and butterflies
I don't know what is wrong with me
perhaps I caught the flu
I just started feeling sick inside
right after meeting you!
Copyright ©
JennyFruFru
... [
2004-05-01 08:13:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by reprobate on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 08:23:16 AM AEST
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It's a great write but I'm not so sure that I'd put it on something for the wedding day. It might be mistaken for being inappropiate. The last two lines...
I understand what you're trying to say but do you think the general public will take it in the soirit it was written? I do not know the guests, I'm basing this on generalities. Nothing more.
Keep up the good work! |
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Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 08:23:52 AM AEST
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oh jenny this was wonderful.
perfect rhyme.
so beautifully done.
i loved this.
Arden |
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Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by loveisendless on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 11:00:33 AM AEST
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FIRST 3 VERSES WERE GREAT! THE 4th IS A BIT GRAPHIC IN A NEGATIVE WAY!! MAYBE SAYING IN THE END THAT HER STOMACH IN IN KNOTS FOR THE REASON THAT SHE LOVES HIM ALOT!!! I LOVE YOUR POEMS JENNY,THAT LAST PART IS A LITTLE OFF FOR THAT OCCASSION!!!! I MEAN NOTHING BAD TO YOU OR YOUR POEMS BY ANY MEANS...OK?!!!!
LOL-DAN!!!!!! |
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Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 12:07:28 PM AEST
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The last verse is not at all compliant with the general run of the poem. I certainly would not read it at a wedding it could be misconstrued.
The first three verses are excellent I would consider rewriting the fourth verse end it happily it is after all a wedding.
bernard. |
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Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 12:43:53 PM AEST
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There's something in the air today
just what I can't explain
I feel a little funny inside
my tummy's gone array,
I want to frollick freely
There's a little girl inside
She sings me happy melodies
of birds and butterflies,
The world seems so much fuller
The grass a different green
The sky is getting bluer
Is it only happening to me?
I don't know what is wrong with me
perhaps I caught the flu?
I just started feeling funny inside
right after falling in love with you,
I wonder are you feeling
All theses flutterbees too,
Because all i know my darling
is the world's so sweet with you!
(then put their names on the bottom together in a heart, hugs n' love nessa x)
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Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 1st May 2004 @ 08:51:37 PM AEST
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Jenny, unless you are absolutely positive it will be taken in the jesting manner you obviously meant, I think I would refer to Ladyfawn's piece for guidance. Weddings should be nothing but joy, not jest. Hope I didn't upset you.
Love n hugs,
Rita |
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Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by JennyFruFru on
Monday, 3rd May 2004 @ 10:42:49 AM AEST
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| hey guys thnx for your comments... i wasnt reading it at a wedding.... it was for a bridal shower just to be tied on with the favors.... im not at all offended thats why i asked you guys... thnx a bunch :) :) :) |
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Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 4th May 2004 @ 12:52:19 AM AEST
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Appropriate or inapropriate? whether it is or not it's still a very good poem.
wildejohnny. |
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Re: Love Sick
(User Rating: 1 )
by SweetRhythm on
Thursday, 29th July 2004 @ 08:21:29 AM AEST
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Again a nice little piece of work. Very well writen, it's clear you have been blessed with great talent & im glad you are sharing it with all of us. That was a lovely sweet write.
Corinna |
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