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Dear Dad
Contributed by
bluoreo
on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 06:48:19 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Dear Dad,
This letter I write you.. knowing fully well that you will discard it as if it were an annoying piece of trash. That you will block your mind to anything and everything I write. That you will pretend that none of this is true and that nothing I say bears any importance. You will conclude that I am one hundred percent wrong and that you are right. About everything. As it has always been and always will be. Being well aware of all this, I continue to write. Maybe to give myself closure. Maybe to give myself the peace to know that I have told you everything there is to know, even though it probably doesnt matter to you. I realize that I am being negative, but that is the only way I can be emotionally detached from you as you obviously are from me.
The negatives and putdowns are the only things that resonate in my mind. Of course I remember the positives. But unfortunately for you the negatives far outweigh the positives. Remembering the times when you would belittle me for listening to alternative music. Why do you listen to that music? Why dont you listen to black music? you would ask. Thinking that I hated my own race because I wanted to die my hair or because I wasnt attracted to black girls or because I dressed like a white boy. You do not even realize how many times you brought that up and how many times I cursed you under my breath. If you only knew. I could never be myself around you. Shouldnt that be good enough? I guess not.
Remembering when you would discourage me for trying to attain my ultimate goal. Being a professional in performing arts. Its not a realistic goal, you would say. You should do something else. It most likely wont happen. You cant even imagine how many times you have told me that. How many times I rethought my goals. How many times I cursed you under my breath. I tried to please you. Make you proud of me. Maybe thats why Im here. At this university. Doing the opposite of my goal. Now I realize that I can never and didnt ever please you. I wasnt good enough. I wasnt up to snuff. You rarely supported me with anything I did or wanted to do. You would always find something negative to say about my interests. So I gave up. Making sure I didnt kill myself by trying to fit my life to fit your standards. The perfect standards that you set for me. Your abnormal skewed ideals of perfection that I could never live up to. That no one could ever live up to. I couldve died trying and you wouldnt have blinked. There was nothing I could do.
Remembering the times when you never believed me or trusted me. I was the youngest so it must have been me, right? I would give you the God Honest Truth. What you asked for. But it wasnt good enough. You wanted to hear your truth, which wouldve made me a liar. You wanted to hear only what you wanted to hear, which is nothing I ever said. You were always right and I was always wrong. I was a liar and not to be trusted.
Remembering the time when you came to my play. You did a good job, you said. OUTWEIGHD. ALL OUTWEIGHD
I dont think you ever really wanted me. I was just there to fill empty space and awkward silences. My lifes ambition was to make you proud of me. Maybe if I do this or do that, then hell be proud, I used to think. I couldnt and cant do that anymore. I can no longer tear myself down to build you up. I am through being your scapegoat. I was the only one ever home. You had to take your anger out on someone. Unfortunately for me, I was that someone. Lucky me. Lucky you. You would yell at me for the smallest most insignificant things. Such as a dirty dishes that I didnt clean right, a leaf in the pool after I skimmed it, a missing controller when I hadnt been watching T.V. You cant begin to fathom how many times you did this and how many times I cursed you under my breath.
Now you wont even bother with me. I dont ever want to see you or talk to you. Youre a disgrace and an embarrassment to the Almond name. Your exact words. Whos the real disgrace? Whos the real embarrassment?
You tried to give me hugs when I was seventeen. It was too late for that. Way too late. The only reason for that and the I love yous was because mom had to put you up to it. How pathetic. You said and you still say you love me. Im calling your bluff. You never did and you never will. The recent happenings just gave you an excuse to get rid of me. This was your chance to get me out of your life. And you took it. You took it like a giddy little schoolgirl. Congratulations father. Youve got what you wanted.
Love. Just a word. It means nothing coming from you.
Your former dedicated son,
Eric NOname
Copyright ©
bluoreo
... [
2004-05-11 06:48:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Dear Dad
(User Rating: 1 )
by Hurretje on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 07:09:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Heavy... I hope you will find some peace in your life...
Strength to you!
Greetz,
Hur |
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Re: Dear Dad
(User Rating: 1 )
by thumper on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 07:11:59 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| There's a lot of anger and pain in this write. I hope it helped to get it out. I did this for my mother, loved her and tried to please her in every way possible. Only, she didn't dis me, she just let her many husbands do it for her. I hope that in the future your father sees the error of his ways and comes around. Maybe if he reads this it'll help, maybe not. You never know till you try. Good luck and you are loved. Thumps ; 0 ) |
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Re: Dear Dad
(User Rating: 1 )
by Princesaazul16 on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 08:19:22 AM AEST
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| Eric, this is very strong and deep. It seems that no matter how hard a person tries they can never live up to another person's expectations. There are a few exceptions though. You should live life for yourself, and live up to your expectations. Because no matter how hard you try, you will never be satisfied if your doing it for someone else. I'm sorry that you had to go through this with your dad. I hope that things turn out for the better. Good luck! Keep up the good work. And if you ever need to talk..I'm here ~Stace~ |
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Re: Dear Dad
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 08:28:45 AM AEST
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so full of deep emotions and sadness. I understand these feelings well and Im hoping that someday the two of you can come together though I know its soooooo hard.
Michelle |
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Re: Dear Dad
(User Rating: 1 )
by true_poetry_writer on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 03:24:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| hey thats realy good i know how u feel girl. if u wanna chat some time my msn email is sweetangelkiss95@hotmail.com |
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Re: Dear Dad
(User Rating: 1 )
by Falloftheangels on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 04:09:07 PM AEST
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| you packed a life's story onto a page and made it as if i was there with you on the journey. that is poetry. keep writing |
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