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Too Many Mistakes
Contributed by
loyalist
on
Thursday, 13th May 2004 @ 05:28:20 AM in AEST
Topic:
InspirationalPoems
|
Wake the morning
Save the evening
Night is creeping
Watch it go
I dream I hover
Above the covers
A shade of color
Polychrome
In the moonlight
Chase the sunlight
Race the white light
Through the hole
Change of season
Earth revolving
Too many mistakes
To behold
To behold
The trees are talking
Can you hear them
Listen closely
Then you'll know
There's no answers
To your problems
Just illusions
Let it go
Hear the River
Touch the water
Feel the rhythm
In you soul
You are free now
Take your feelings
Make you way un-
To the World
And behold
Copyright ©
loyalist
... [
2004-05-13 05:28:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Too Many Mistakes
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Thursday, 13th May 2004 @ 05:41:34 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| simple yet very exquisite write. nice feelings comes up to surface....welldone..venkat |
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Re: Too Many Mistakes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Broken_Skin on
Thursday, 13th May 2004 @ 05:47:50 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I like the content, i read the two first stanzas in a flow but the others didnt match the flow, sometimes a flow in a poem can make a hell of a lot of difference. this has alot of potential but is still good
polychrome should of rhymed with go, when you repeat 'to behold' it takes away the flow thats where i disliked it, but hey its a style i guess, just being truthful :)
keep writing x |
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