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In dignification
Contributed by
EternitysLyre
on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 10:05:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Sometimes I wonder why I fear pain
And why the masses run in the rain
If there's some treasure to be gained
That I don't know about
Yet still life toddles burdens plain
And daring dreams from worth refrain
It seems as if last hopes will drain
And kill belief with doubt
--A silent yearning sings for snow
The gentle call where all things go
A timeless breeze that all things blow
The age ere smiles could hurt you so--
Amassing tremors come to crow
In eerie shivers head to toe
The mystic river's wishful flow
Hides undertows of woe.
Intoxicated clouds by sun
Mark whirlwinds all again begun
Like spiral spinsters whispers spun
Therell be no home for you to run
In claims its downplayed, said and done
A world of rumors need but casuist one
(Intoxicated clouds by sun)
In webs of liars no ones won
"Goldilocks, goldilocks
Watch those cutsey ticks and tocks!
Prance around the priceless power
Watch while all those hopes turn sour
Lose your dreams into the hour..."
(Goldilocks, Goldilocks)
"Time will make your wishes cowards."
Copyright ©
EternitysLyre
... [
2004-05-14 22:05:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: In dignification
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Saturday, 15th May 2004 @ 12:36:05 AM AEST
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I like the description in these lines
"Intoxicated clouds by sun Mark whirlwinds all again begun Like spiral spinsters whispers spun There’ll be no home for you to run"....all the best. venkat
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Re: In dignification
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 15th May 2004 @ 07:03:27 AM AEST
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Mentally stimulating, as always.
I think your first two stanzas are a great introduction to the myriad of images that follow. As for the ending, well, I found that quite an amusing, yet despondant slant on a nursery rhythm.
I always like the way you think, and how you get it across, from head to read to head.
Another 5, for what fives are worth. |
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Re: In dignification
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 06:39:58 AM AEST
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The sheer ambiguity of the title made me want to read further...
And I found this to be, as usual, stellar. The rich rhymes and seamless flow are so good--I honestly love the way your poetry sounds when read aloud. The overall somber tone was conveyed nicely, and the ending caught me completely off guard.
I wonder if Mick will let me give this a six?
Trapped beneath frozed lake,
-V.S. |
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Re: In dignification
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 28th May 2004 @ 07:05:10 PM AEST
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Bitter, but truthful. This is another excellent piece. I am always impressed by your power of rhyme, and your sensitivity to the rhythm of the spoken word. Also I love the alliteration - my personal favorite ornament in poetry (but detested in prose, especially editorials - gah!). I like it how your alliterations spill over into the following lines. Bravo!
Andrew |
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Re: In dignification
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Sunday, 30th May 2004 @ 05:25:16 AM AEST
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| Your words were well thought out. time has made you a great writer. |
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Re: In dignification
(User Rating: 1 )
by Tanmaya on
Tuesday, 28th September 2004 @ 04:00:03 AM AEST
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Another absolutely brilliant write!
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Re: In dignification
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 12:31:50 PM AEST
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wow that was nothing short of amazing
pix xx |
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