|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
You Have Control
Contributed by
Destiny
on
Tuesday, 18th May 2004 @ 08:18:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
The pain in my eyes
the way I feel
Wishing this could not be real
The darkness of heart
pain's touch so cold
memories of you are so old
I'm lost in this sadness
waves crashing down
all I hear is this drowning sound
I flail and try to swim
I'm drowning in him
my thoughts are lost
you own my soul
my heart, my mind, you have control
Copyright ©
Destiny
... [
2004-05-18 20:18:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: You Have Control
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Saturday, 15th July 2006 @ 03:19:51 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I like the last four lines that shore up the poem. I felt like it was meandering from a certain emotion about the topic, but it sort of selects where to go and solidifies at the end.
I also can appreciate how you used the end of the final line as the title, bracketing the poem. That is a great tool when used properly and I think it is here. It makes me read through the poem, hit the end and notice the similarity, and read it again to gain further effect.
TSx |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
