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Shattered
Contributed by
bobotheclown
on
Wednesday, 19th May 2004 @ 11:26:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Two shattered hearts
Lie but six feet apart
With quivering, shattered hands
Touching through six feet of wall
One heart: shattered by shattered dreams
The other: shattered by shattered pride
And broken thoughts keep them both awake
With crystal tears strolling, beguiling
Down their shattered faces
As their dreams lie at their feet
Shattered, moaning in pain
The girl: her heart lies shattered
Burning with the intensity of her grief
She takes her hand from the wall
And instead cradles a knife
Slitting, draining her shattered life
From the deepest corners of her woe
And her bed turns red
As she, turns white
The boy: his pain of how what he thought was best,
But now lies in ruins shattered on the floor
Mocking him with its tormented desolation
He goes into her room with the
Sweet stench of death
Holding a death grip over the Death Room
Over the one shattered life
He lies beside her holding her shattered hand
Taking the knife caked with her blood
And shatters his wrists
He lies on top of her
Shattered wrist to shattered wrist
Deadened mouth to deadened mouth
And bleeds crying into her
Two shattered lives
Shattered by love
Their bodies shattered, still entwined
Copyright ©
bobotheclown
... [
2004-05-19 23:26:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Shattered
(User Rating: 1 )
by Black13 on
Wednesday, 19th May 2004 @ 11:29:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I liked this one.
Very d*mn good job man.
It's was odd but incredible.
Almost had a tinge of sacrifice to be back with her.
Actually, I loved this one.
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Re: Shattered
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Thursday, 20th May 2004 @ 01:57:31 PM AEST
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Wow, Joel!! This pulled me by the heart-strings and pulled me along.... Great write. I love it!!!
Jenni |
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Re: Shattered
(User Rating: 1 )
by wyrd_faerie on
Sunday, 23rd May 2004 @ 08:24:32 AM AEST
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| ooh wow...joel...so beautiful, so beautiful...im almost in tears... |
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Re: Shattered
(User Rating: 1 )
by wray on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 09:49:53 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Hmm I thought maybe the whole "shattered" concept was a bit overdone but I appreciate your technique anyway, and I like the concept of the whole piece, and the way you use words in such an interesting way..
And strangely my favourite line is:
And bleeds crying into her
Interesting blend of images and it works. |
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Re: Shattered
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 09:57:59 AM AEST
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Uh....wow....
I dont really have any idea what to say about this..
Extremely heartbreaking, i'll say that.
Very well written.
I was getting some great images there too.
Great write.
Phil xxx |
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