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deep inside
Contributed by
Black13
on
Tuesday, 25th May 2004 @ 11:24:30 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
my soul screams in its sorrowful agony
and though this knife tears me open
my soul wont abide and be silent
this pain is more than I can bare
Im so numb inside but Im breaking
I keep looking at my wrists daydreaming
of how easily the knife would slide across
how easy would it be to pierce my heart
it was not as easy as I had thought
I bled but I expected the knife
to cut and pierce far easier
the way it does when used on someone else
actually doing it was easy
it was almost surprising to me
the pain was washed away too quickly
maybe deeper next time.... maybe deep enough
Im broken though...
I couldnt take the screaming
I still cant
yet on the screaming goes
each time it has gotten worse
if it doesnt stop Ill end it
its ripping me apart farther
the hole.... it grows
I can hear it screaming....
Copyright ©
Black13
... [
2004-05-25 11:24:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: deep inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaavys on
Tuesday, 25th May 2004 @ 11:29:52 AM AEST
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| it's a good prose, a little morbid, but good. I can actually feel the flesh give way. now to the therapy of writing, write happy thoughts and happy you will become. |
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Re: deep inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by LiquidChaos on
Tuesday, 25th May 2004 @ 11:30:02 AM AEST
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I can hear it too as you've captured the emotion beautifully. I too feel this way and the reason it's so much harder to cut your wrists than slice someone elses is because you weren't meant to hurt yourself that way. So don't. Reach out. We'll be here to help you.
Great write!
Addie |
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Re: deep inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luinil on
Tuesday, 25th May 2004 @ 01:37:58 PM AEST
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| i can relate to what you're saying, don't give up and keep writing. your emotion shows in your words very well |
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Re: deep inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Tuesday, 25th May 2004 @ 03:45:54 PM AEST
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This isn't what I was expecting. It's powerful...open...like a dark chasm and the wailing comes out of it. I'm searching for words here. The knife is interesting...so much more concrete than pills or cars. The lethalness so obvious and yet the decision teeters on the edge of the blade.
Stitch |
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Re: deep inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 12:18:20 AM AEST
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awesome man less poetic than most of your stuff, but sometimes just a good fresh rant is good for our collective minds. I do have one suggestion however. I think the line "yet on the screaming goes" should be changed to yet LONG the screaming goes. Seems more creepy and final to me.
Bobo (Joel)
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Re: deep inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by apollo on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 02:48:46 PM AEST
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| this was amazing. it truly burned images in my mind of a gruesome a sight that can be. you put this in such a way that makes me want to scream! it was beautiful though in its own dark way. |
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Re: deep inside
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Thursday, 27th May 2004 @ 12:39:59 AM AEST
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very powerful, dark, suicidal cries.looks as the hole itself is screaming while it expands
awesome write. venkat
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