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My turn to ignore you!
Contributed by
majesticpoet
on
Tuesday, 25th May 2004 @ 06:12:17 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Sometimes I feel like I trusted you all too well
Talking to you was like screaming at myself
You said you didnt need me anymore
All the times you made me feel ignored.
I dont want one more day
It would just be wasted away
You constantly remind me of the criminal I am
Putting me down time after time cause you know you can
I remember all the times your thoughts hurt me
All the pain you will never see
Every word you spoke was condescending talking
Pointing fingers while you laughed and mocked me
People tried to find out how I feel about you
Since the day you said we were through
Afraid to tell them what is on my mind
so the words I speak are kind
No more time for me to be silenced
Time to release all of the violence
violence of the words I need to speak to you
Now you will listen to me until I am through.
I put so much trust in all of your lies
While you tore me down inside
No more from this pain can I run
Because of you my heart is now numb
You took so much deep inside of me
This fall was one I could not foresee
If you could take it back, I doubt you would
If you can bring it all back, I am sure you could
You made me remember the pain of our past
Bringing back thoughts of the darkness I wish I didnt have
I dont want to think about what you did in the past
Dont want to see you no more, no more moving back
Your memory makes me unconfident and insecure
Looking at you wondering what you are here for
Damn this pain you caused deep in these wounds
Damn the fact on my pain your heart does consume
Every time I am trying to get up on my feet
you re-enter the picture and knock me over with your deceit
You caused me a heart full of pain and stress
Time for me to beat this off my chest
From you I now must break free
When you're around out comes the pain for all to see
My turn to turn my back on you
My turn to ignore you!!!
Copyright ©
majesticpoet
... [
2004-05-25 18:12:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by bychristimsaved on
Tuesday, 25th May 2004 @ 06:27:00 PM AEST
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| i really enjoyed this poem. how inspirational! u expressed your emotions in a very good way. i think most of us can relate to this poem in some way...i know i can!it feels great to let out your anger doesnt it? the only constructive crtisism i could give is to maybe check over the words a little and see if u can make some of them flow a little smoother...all in all, that was an AWESOME write! god bless! |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by MellaSwtASHonee on
Tuesday, 25th May 2004 @ 06:43:24 PM AEST
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| this poem is really good...i can definately relate hun!..it's really well written..i loved it!!! |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by MajesticPoet on
Tuesday, 25th May 2004 @ 10:07:39 PM AEST
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I would like to thank both of your comments. And also thank you for reading my poem. I appreciate all you have said, and hope you read my other works as well.
Thanks,
MaJ |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheWordChirugeon on
Sunday, 6th June 2004 @ 07:12:49 AM AEST
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The problem with this site is that there are too many "hearbroken"poets who think they're write good poems just because they're incapable of moving on after getting jilted by their boyfriend/girlfriend. Your boyfriend dumped you! WHO CARES!
Hell, most people here (like majesticpoet) don't even bother to pay attention to diction, rhythm, or even content. Just look at some of the lines.
"Your memory makes me unconfident and insecure"
When was the last time you saw someone say, "I felt too unconfident to get out of bed this morning."
HINT: Rhymes do not make a good poem
This poem would be bad enough if this site didn't already have 10,000 other poems just like it. |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheWordChirugeon on
Sunday, 6th June 2004 @ 07:12:51 AM AEST
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The problem with this site is that there are too many "hearbroken"poets who think they're write good poems just because they're incapable of moving on after getting jilted by their boyfriend/girlfriend. Your boyfriend dumped you! WHO CARES!
Hell, most people here (like majesticpoet) don't even bother to pay attention to diction, rhythm, or even content. Just look at some of the lines.
"Your memory makes me unconfident and insecure"
When was the last time you saw someone say, "I felt too unconfident to get out of bed this morning."
HINT: Rhymes do not make a good poem
This poem would be bad enough if this site didn't already have 10,000 other poems just like it. |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheWordChirugeon on
Sunday, 6th June 2004 @ 07:12:55 AM AEST
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a Message)
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The problem with this site is that there are too many "hearbroken"poets who think they're write good poems just because they're incapable of moving on after getting jilted by their boyfriend/girlfriend. Your boyfriend dumped you! WHO CARES!
Hell, most people here (like majesticpoet) don't even bother to pay attention to diction, rhythm, or even content. Just look at some of the lines.
"Your memory makes me unconfident and insecure"
When was the last time you saw someone say, "I felt too unconfident to get out of bed this morning."
HINT: Rhymes do not make a good poem
This poem would be bad enough if this site didn't already have 10,000 other poems just like it. |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheWordChirugeon on
Sunday, 6th June 2004 @ 07:12:56 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
The problem with this site is that there are too many "hearbroken"poets who think they're write good poems just because they're incapable of moving on after getting jilted by their boyfriend/girlfriend. Your boyfriend dumped you! WHO CARES!
Hell, most people here (like majesticpoet) don't even bother to pay attention to diction, rhythm, or even content. Just look at some of the lines.
"Your memory makes me unconfident and insecure"
When was the last time you saw someone say, "I felt too unconfident to get out of bed this morning."
HINT: Rhymes do not make a good poem
This poem would be bad enough if this site didn't already have 10,000 other poems just like it. |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by MajesticPoet on
Monday, 7th June 2004 @ 06:00:40 AM AEST
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| No the problem is not this site, nor it's poets. It is the fact that people like yourself, come here and make futile attempts to bring people down. The obvious is that you have no clue what this poem stands for. The fact that you said boyfriend in your response shows you did not even attempt to try and understand it. Is it so hard to realize that even in a narrow mind like yours that true understandings came come through. Because your abilities to express yourself and no more great nor no less then mine, does not mean you come here and attempt to down play my work and my fellow poets work. If you are not able to realize the words with-in the words, I wish you to moce on and find a site more suited to your tastes. |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by thumper on
Thursday, 10th June 2004 @ 06:39:03 AM AEST
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BULLY FOR YOU!!! You tell 'em!! :o) I liked your poem and can empathize with you. I find writing very theraputic. It's like talking to someone and getting it off your chest. Keep up the good work!
Write On Maj!!
Thumps ; 0 ) |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by AcrosticCacophany on
Tuesday, 15th June 2004 @ 12:32:33 AM AEST
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MaJ.
The man with the bloody saw (if you even knew what a chirurgeon was) has a point. His reasoning may not seem sound to your fellow angsters and angstresses, but to the level eye there is too much "pain" on this site.
Now, as for your poem, that's just a joke.
Your diction is horrid. Clunky, choppy, and distended at all points where brevity would pack a punch. "Unconfident" is an ugly word, period. Your imagery is a curse to the eyes. "Time for me to beat this off my chest" is NOT a pretty picture. It's neither elegant, poised, poignant, or even poetic. "My turn to ignore you!!!" simply reduces you to the realm of the amatuers, if you ever had anything beyond that. Yes, I know you have credentials like awards and the like, but take my word for it, this poem is NOT a winner.
"When you're around out comes the pain for all to see"
Awkward, distended, and ringing with syntax clash so bad I might suspect your native tongue was sanskrit.
Your rhymes...
Make me sick. They're old, abused, misused, and above all trashy. Some of them are slanted rhymes so stretched to fit I don't call them rhymes.
"Looking at you wondering what you are here for" Too LONG. Hello, have you ever heard the line "brevity is the soul of wit?" Well guess what, that line may just well qualify you as the biggest dunce since Polonius.
Now before everyone comes running to defend you and claiming I'm no good at poetry, I'll make it clear to you that even your older works were better. The emotions in this poem have ruined it.
You are no wordsmith. Get off your little pedestal and see how small you are. Don't let the horde of fulsome flattery make you feel any better; this poem needs work, just like your arrogant "holier-than-thou" disposition.
So she dumped you. Boo hoo. No need to ruin everyone else's day with a poem.
~The Wordslayer |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 29th June 2004 @ 09:11:13 AM AEST
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I would have to say I'd agree with most of what the WordChirurgeon and AcrosticCacophany had to say.
I only got as far down as halfway before I wanted to see what people actually thought about it, and thankfully two were on hand to crystallize my opinion.
Fortunately, I know you must have better works than this available - the entire poem seems forced out from a very small hole. Don't get me wrong - the inspiration is adequate, but the end result is warped and clunky to read.
Hopefully I'll find this one revised at a later date somewhere.
Thanks for the effort. |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 29th June 2004 @ 10:16:01 AM AEST
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| And yes, I DID read all of it, eventually. |
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Re: My turn to ignore you!
(User Rating: 1 )
by inoc on
Sunday, 15th August 2004 @ 06:53:50 AM AEST
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well it was a long poem
but if writing this poem helps you get over you x well it was worth writing
...I think if anyone doesn't like your work they DON"T HAVE TO READ IT just go back to home and pick another one to read...
I do that and I know people do that to mine...not everyone likes reading the SAME poetry...
so keep writing and your next poem might be the best poem EVER ...
no one can predict anything...
agree?
cheers! |
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