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Haley Marie
Contributed by
Vermillion
on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 06:30:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
R.I.P.
Haley Marie
our youthful lives seem to drift away
just two kids riding their bikes in the rain
staying up all night just to see the sun rise
holding hands never wanting to say goodbye
oh how i remember the way you used to laugh
and the way you hugged me when you sat in my lap
but as time passes we begin to change
somehow things will never be the same
you went to partys and i just sat at home
sitting here im all alone
remembering memories of your hugs
now you made friends with your drugs
i didnt wanna see you turn out like this
cant you see that its you i miss
seeing you there in a daze
our teenage lives seem to drift away
then that one night i remember so well
seeing you there,it was worth than hell
you had taken too much more than you can handle
seeing your face from the light of the candle
holding your quivering body i start to cry
repeating to myself 'please god oh please god dont die'
seeing you there growing whiter and whiter
the feel of your skin burning up like fire
you look up at me and whisper 'Billy...please dont go'
there was two now im all alone
i kiss you on the head and say good night
i blow out the candle to turn off the light
Haley your soul seems to drift away
but wait...were still just kids riding our bikes in the rain
good night,
sleep tight,
snow white.
Copyright ©
Vermillion
... [
2004-05-26 06:30:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Haley Marie
(User Rating: 1 )
by Calista on
Friday, 18th June 2004 @ 04:45:27 PM AEST
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this is a beautiful, sad...and yet charming poem. youre an amazing poet and this piece reflects that perfectly. sorry for your loss...
Calista |
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Re: Haley Marie
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cole on
Friday, 18th June 2004 @ 06:20:17 PM AEST
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First off, let me just say that I am sincerely sorry for your loss. The following is a critique, and I don't want you to feel that I have no respect for your loss.
Okay, I can tell the words in this poem are really emotional, but that's just it. They're just words. A poem should be so much more. The rhymes really detract from what you were trying to say. They're sort of elementary. I think that if you went back and wrote this again, just writing what you feel and forgetting about trying to make it rhyme, it could be an amazing piece of art.
Sorry, again.
-Kholie-
P.S. - In appreciation of my critiquing your work, perhaps you could critique one of my poems? |
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Re: Haley Marie
(User Rating: 1 )
by HellsLibrarian on
Saturday, 19th June 2004 @ 10:05:59 AM AEST
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| That was beautiful, especially the end. |
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Re: Haley Marie
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadbloodyrose on
Monday, 21st June 2004 @ 03:18:00 PM AEST
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| this is an amazing piece.. like all of your poetry.. you are honestly my favorite poet ever... i love every poem of yours that i read.. they all touch me so deeply and i would give anything to be able to write like you.. great job.. AMI JO |
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Re: Haley Marie
(User Rating: 1 )
by buchi on
Saturday, 3rd July 2004 @ 05:27:04 AM AEST
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you look up at me and whisper 'Billy...please dont go'
there was two now im all alone
SUBLIME..this poem is deep and food for thought... a must read to all ypdc members...
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Re: Haley Marie
(User Rating: 1 )
by assassinatorgirl on
Tuesday, 29th November 2005 @ 06:46:34 PM AEST
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beautiful and sad. it sucks how things turn out that way... it's like "if only i could have done more" but really you probably did all you could and it just happened because of something with her.
man, it's so sad! but i love it and i want to read it again! thanks for sharing, it's very so sooo beautiful. |
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