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Empty Murmurs
Contributed by
bobotheclown
on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 06:08:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
I cling desperately to life
With this one weak bond
Weaker than a hydrogen bond
Despite the warning claxons in my head
That advise me to just let go
Along with each torturous breath
That burns my lungs
As I stumble along this lonely path
Bleating platitudes and empty prayers,
Are all that I have left,
Directed towards my God
Who has forgotten me, faceless and distant,
Everything else has slipped
Through my sweaty, bloody fingers
As I float in this catatonic state
Alone and forgotten
I ask for nothing even as everything
Is ripped away from my sightless gaze
Slipping and stumbling
As I die in this empty existence
Anxiety and depression
Literally ripping me to blood-spattered shreds
Beleaugered and bloodied
I fall... never to rise again
Copyright ©
bobotheclown
... [
2004-05-26 18:08:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Empty Murmurs
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 06:19:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this is an excellant write yet so very sad.
Michelle |
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Re: Empty Murmurs
(User Rating: 1 )
by purplestary on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 06:33:54 PM AEST
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great write
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Re: Empty Murmurs
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 06:49:56 PM AEST
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Wow! I feel like I just witnessed the death scene in an Elizabethan play. Bravo!
Stitch |
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Re: Empty Murmurs
(User Rating: 1 )
by kidpoet_213 on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 07:01:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Great write... visions is very vivid... sometimes that's how I feel... keep writing...
~Donna~ |
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Re: Empty Murmurs
(User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 07:11:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Great release of pain and agony,Well done. |
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Re: Empty Murmurs
(User Rating: 1 )
by Soulless on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 11:00:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I find this whole concept of the poem a tragedy. But beautiful and unique.
"I fall... never to rise again" So final and a perfect way to end this poem.
Kisses,
~Soulless~ |
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Re: Empty Murmurs
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Thursday, 27th May 2004 @ 09:46:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Sheer brilliance..... shame I could only vote this 5, as it deserves much more credit.
Great stuff.
Pixie xx |
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Re: Empty Murmurs
(User Rating: 1 )
by mountainhigh on
Thursday, 27th May 2004 @ 09:54:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very close to how it is....torturous breath...lungs burning...yes so close.
Excellent write. |
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Re: Empty Murmurs
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Friday, 4th June 2004 @ 12:23:12 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Joel, I know your talent..even though often
I missed you and was not in the habit of commenting..I like these lines in your poem
" ask for nothing even as everything
Is ripped away from my sightless gaze
Slipping and stumbling
As I die in this empty existence"..
this is a talented write.
sincerely.. venkat
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Re: Empty Murmurs
(User Rating: 1 )
by Soulless on
Thursday, 1st July 2004 @ 08:05:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I was looking over the titles of all your poems and they all were calling me but this one won me over. The title just lured my right in. This is such a bitter sweet piece and it just speaks to me. I just love the desperate and depressed emotion just flowing within your words.
Kisses,
~Soulless~ |
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