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~Haunted Footsteps~
Contributed by
Hannah_Heaven
on
Thursday, 27th May 2004 @ 04:09:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
DreamsandWishes
|
it haunts the footsteps i walk
it sucks the air i breathe
lurks in the shadows
till dawn
my heart is getting teared in two
like a piece of paper
it hurts so much to dream
i cannot sleep
days are too long
they twist themselves and choke me
im drowding in my own tears
and my heart is weakening
slowly
Copyright ©
Hannah_Heaven
... [
2004-05-27 16:09:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: ~Haunted Footsteps~
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 27th May 2004 @ 06:27:59 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Whilst this is an intriguing read, I would have enjoyed it had you included in the piece, more about your reference about 'waking up beside one', or at least clarifying it a bit more. You have a good idea, and by elaborating more upon it, I feel it would have made this poem stand up and shout a bit louder.
Still, you had me, the reader, interested, and that's a definately a good thing.
Keep writing. |
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Re: ~Haunted Footsteps~
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 21st June 2004 @ 10:49:43 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i agree with their comment. this is mentally taxing though. i have no idea what is stalking you. it could be anything and i guess that can be some poetic device you used. and the second stanza is excellent. |
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