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If we're lost enough to find ourselves...
Contributed by
liquidchaos
on
Friday, 11th June 2004 @ 08:26:01 AM in AEST
Topic:
insomniac
|
should we stand here in the dark?
should we wait here for the day?
when sweet death wrings our necks
while our discord ebbs away?
should we wait here for a sign
while this disdain takes it's hold?
bleeding slowly--one last breath
watch our hearts grow ever cold.
if we're lost enough to find ourselves,
what if rescue is worse?
what if all that seems so ill
is paradise? The opposite a curse?
so should we trust in sick redemption?
or should we stay the same?
once there, we can't return.
a stalemate in this futile game.
Copyright ©
liquidchaos
... [
2004-06-11 08:26:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: If we're lost enough to find ourselves...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 11th June 2004 @ 08:32:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I love the title, and line in the poem -
Very interesting topic - as in Macbeth.
I liked this, my only suggestion you would be to give the work more direction, so that it has a better build up
Clever! |
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Re: If we're lost enough to find ourselves...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 11th June 2004 @ 08:40:11 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I just read your other insomniac poem, and this one is as good as that one. They could almost be put together to form one long poem broken down in different stanzas. But I think this is fine standing all by itself!
Nice visuals of "the insomniac"
Angel always...joni |
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Re: If we're lost enough to find ourselves...
(User Rating: 1 )
by thumper on
Friday, 11th June 2004 @ 08:53:27 AM AEST
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Very nice. I like the question that this write poses. I espically liked the line "when sweet death wrings our necks". Hmmmm. lol Good one!
Thumps ; 0 ) |
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Re: If we're lost enough to find ourselves...
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Friday, 11th June 2004 @ 09:28:28 AM AEST
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Great poem, I have suffered from insomnia, so know where you are coming from. keep em coming
pixie xx |
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Re: If we're lost enough to find ourselves...
(User Rating: 1 )
by hisbeautifulnightmare on
Monday, 21st June 2004 @ 07:47:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| very nice ending comment. "The opposite a curse" sounds a little funny, but all in all a very good piece of work! |
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