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to the Unfortunates
Contributed by
betty
on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 02:58:09 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I heard you
sifted through your lies
to find you
the real you
your words prick me
your tears enrage me
lie by lie
climbing into the darkness
Insanity is not far now
Delusions choke your soul
malcontent all you feel
for everyone you meet
quiet chaos encircles
misfortune leads to your door
Retreat impossible
trapped in your web
every breath a struggle
to send out a warning
cocooned in your threads
wrapped tight around me
a moral impasse
my loyalty
their enemy
Must I lash out
stand alone
to save the unfortunates
blind and unassuming
of you never suspicious
killing them slowly
infecting their very core
tainting all they know
irreversible malice
with viscious intent
never the same
generations of blood drip
like honey from your discrepancies
It never ends
fill the emptiness
you drink them in
they spit you out
your revenge
self efacing
your soul
sold.
Copyright ©
betty
... [
2004-06-13 02:58:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: to the Unfortunates
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 03:06:58 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Nice poem |
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Re: to the Unfortunates
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 10:11:10 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Technically speaking I thought the poem was great. You obviously have the talent.
But I also saw alot of anger, venting and deep seeded pain in this one.
There are good people out there and the bad ones don't let them get you down. Being happy isn't easy but it really is the best revenge.
I liked your poem.
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Re: to the Unfortunates
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 10:24:03 AM AEST
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a Message)
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As to the poem itself, I was greatly impressed . . . yours is a very unique style and pleasurable to read. You seem to have a knack for expressing yourself in interesting, original ways that skillfully depict the emotion, the situation, everything. Or, that is, you have a knack if your other poems are anything near as good as this one-- which I'll go find out as soon as I finish commenting.
As to the emotions and pain behind the poem-- there's really not a lot that I, as an outsider who knows nothing of what you're going through, nothing of how it feels, nothing of how you are, can say. But I honestly hope things improve for you . . . PM me if you ever want to talk, okay?
--Nora |
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Re: to the Unfortunates
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 19th June 2004 @ 11:09:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow, I loved this tons. Very nice and well done I have to say. Lots of feelings are nice in a poem too and make it seem more real. My favorite part was
Must I lash out
stand alone
to save the unfortunates
blind and unassuming
of you never suspicious
killing them slowly
Great write!
~Kris~ |
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Re: to the Unfortunates
(User Rating: 1 )
by Living_In_My_Dream on
Sunday, 20th June 2004 @ 05:38:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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wow, we use some of the same words in our work...big words lol brillinat write one of my favorites so far...keep it up...
much love,
Dani |
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