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revery
Contributed by
RockNwhls
on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 09:02:03 AM in AEST
Topic:
DreamsandWishes
|
laughter shared, jokes told
spicy thoughts break the mold
smoky glances, written words
pulses racing, winging birds
chance encounter, dark and hot
liquor drank, muddled thought
feeling fire, smoldering heat
stirring embers deep in me
whispers of touch, shuffled clothes
taste of flesh, eyes slide closed
salty, tangy, but also sweet
arching, rising, up to meet
sensuous hands gliding across skin
testing, teasing, sliding in
flat and rounded meet once more
reaching heights as never before
drifting into revery
realizing its fantasy
dream lover come to me
no more real can it be
Copyright ©
RockNwhls
... [
2004-06-13 09:02:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: revery
(User Rating: 1 )
by Avarice_Riot on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 09:10:51 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I think revery is a good title, although I think it's actually spelled "Reverie". Overall, it's a great poem, I enjoyed reading it. The last verse is my fave. |
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Re: revery
(User Rating: 1 )
by deathdrop on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 09:12:25 AM AEST
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a Message)
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the words use in this are amazing!!!!
but no, i can't think of any other title. its a pity there in't a better title because this could be awesome!!!!!!! |
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Re: revery
(User Rating: 1 )
by poetrygodslove on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 09:26:57 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| an afternoon delight.. very very nice..liked it very much.. sandy |
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Re: revery
(User Rating: 1 )
by Overstated on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 11:05:50 AM AEST
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| yes the words used are brillant youve put together a poem in a unique style |
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Re: revery
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 12:18:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Wow. This is incredibly well constructed - flows perfectly! Nicely done!
On the title - I think I'd agree that a change may be good. I'd actually would have prefered for the final verse to 'surprise' the reader - but, as titled, the truth is revealed up front. I'm struggling though to offer an alternative... other than something like "Secret Love"... which may let the reader believe the encounter is a 'secret' and then to later realize that the 'secret' is that the encounter was imagined. Though - I'm not entirely sure LOVE is what we're talking about here??? Maybe "Secret... something" or maybe just "Secret". I don't know.
Again... great write! Looking forward to reading more from you... - SNM
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Re: revery
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 16th January 2007 @ 04:49:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I liked the yearning in this poem. i think the title is fine the way it is! Good job! |
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