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Until
Contributed by
Silent-No-More
on
Tuesday, 15th June 2004 @ 11:17:27 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
My pillowcase tells me shes had enough
Of keeping secrets, of knowing so much
Shes grown tired of being wet with tears
And is sick of living with all my fears
My clock is bored with my watching it
If I glance his way - he has a fit
He begs me constantly to avert my eyes
To change his rhythm, he wont even try
My lamp threatens to go on strike
For turning on and off she doesnt like
Its long past time, she whines to me
To let the darkness ramble free
The floor has worn down as Ive paced
He tells often to just find one place
And sit myself down, to take a rest
Suggesting that sleep would be best
When morning comes, the bed is mad
He feels neglected and rather sad
And wonders why hes even there
Since pillow and I dont seem to care
The curtains tell me they need a lift
Ive ignored them and now theyre miffed
Tired of just hanging there again
They want to move and let daylight in
The phone, I think, is worst of all
I hate her so cause theres no call
Ringing, she says, is not her choice
For if hed dial, shed present his voice
Foolishly, I had expected pity from them
But I know that when another day ends
Our battle will grow even more severe
Until I accept that hes not here
Copyright ©
Silent-No-More
... [
2004-06-15 23:17:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Tuesday, 15th June 2004 @ 11:24:06 PM AEST
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WOW!! I loved this... the personification is great!!!! One of the best I've read tonight...
Jenni |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by holderofthestone on
Tuesday, 15th June 2004 @ 11:26:44 PM AEST
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another stunning piece.... I know this feeling very well. sometimes its to hard to accept. great poem strong words. filled with sadness.
leaves me sad this time.... |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 15th June 2004 @ 11:39:32 PM AEST
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I can relate to this so well. This is a terrific piece of work. It is cute, sad and amusing all in the same vein. Great work.
Rita |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fluffhead on
Tuesday, 15th June 2004 @ 11:41:03 PM AEST
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| Great poem. Lots of feel to it. sad thought but really good. |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Wednesday, 16th June 2004 @ 12:29:57 AM AEST
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ooooo!! this is wicked excellent!!!!!!!! hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 16th June 2004 @ 02:27:38 AM AEST
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Excellent! This was a great piece. I love the way this emotion is presented.
And I wish you peace.
Andrew |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 16th June 2004 @ 06:26:23 AM AEST
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great poem, very strong and beautifully written.... great work
pixie xx |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Wednesday, 16th June 2004 @ 07:14:16 AM AEST
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Gorgeously penned, albeit sad, but with just the right touch of poignancy. I really liked the angle of giving each object in the room it's own personality; it makes this reading this poem a very unique and memorable experience.
The rhythm falters just a bit in some parts, but the nice rhymes, vivid visuals and the above aspects make that little more than a triviality. Very well done, very much enjoyed.
Time expired in the reaper's hourglass,
-V.S. (090404) |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by MDodgen on
Wednesday, 16th June 2004 @ 10:54:04 AM AEST
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| vivid write. sometimes waiting is the hardest thing. good job, 5 stars |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by brigitte7735 on
Wednesday, 16th June 2004 @ 02:06:01 PM AEST
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Oh god, oh god....You are the compilation of every song i have ever loved...i so love you
Always,
Vanessa ( 090404 ) |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by xSlashXPrettyXSkinx on
Saturday, 19th June 2004 @ 05:16:10 PM AEST
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Wow, VERY cleverly written. That is a whole different perspective of it. And it's the worst of all. The pacing and crying. The behind the scenes glory. You wrote this beautifully. I felt all the emotions. Thank you for sharing.
Lindsey |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 20th June 2004 @ 03:59:38 PM AEST
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The imagery is wonderful.
Clever, and yet so sad... |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Tuesday, 22nd June 2004 @ 02:25:27 PM AEST
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*totally blown away*
You have an undeniable knack for presenting commonly-written-about situations in new, interesting, original, always-pleasurable-to-read ways.
The personification was wonderful in this . . . wow, I just adore this one.
--Nora |
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 12th May 2006 @ 07:43:31 PM AEST
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Oh, it's that confounded tickling clock again. Just give it a good ol' kick across the room and tell him you're going to get a new caring clock.
Anywho, they all seem to be turning against you in this one. ;-)
Yep, and basically what Nora says. You have such a unique way of putting common experiences into such a vivid and imaginable styling. Your imagination and your mind just blow me away!
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Re: Until
(User Rating: 1 )
by windowguy on
Tuesday, 26th May 2009 @ 09:27:10 AM AEST
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| Brilliant use of personification. I love the creativity here. Kind of amusing how they feel annoyed at you!? 10/10 |
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