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I Cry for You
Contributed by
veruca
on
Wednesday, 30th June 2004 @ 01:49:56 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
as i lay in my tears at night
i wonder if i will survive
for my tears are so heavy
so i fear i may drowned
drowned in salty liquid
the liquid of my sadness
and where is my savior
for he has gone
this is why i lay in tears just not at night
but for what seems like a lifetime
Copyright ©
veruca
... [
2004-06-30 01:49:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Cry for You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 30th June 2004 @ 02:47:31 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Strange name. But anyway - I think you should change the fourth line, last word to 'drown', as well as the succeedent word on the next line, as it sounds awry.
Your title was a little deflective, but I see where its coming from after having read over this a few times. Its an interesting fear, to drown in one's tears (no rhyme intended), and the inclusion of your 'saviour' brings a spiritual element into play.
Keep writing. |
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